Love Without Borders 2: What's Left Of Me
by ExistInspire
Summary: John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Authors Notes:** Welcome to book two in the series of books I have created. The first in the series was Bliss and you will need to read that story first in order to understand just how we got to where we are now. This story will also be named after a song and feature the lyrics in it. Any and all reviews and support are appreciated but are not mandatory. I am just happy that you all get to read what I love to write. Happy Reading!

* * *

**Watch my life,**

**Pass me by**

He walked the cell block, keeping his eyes downcast, watching his feet move one in front of the other, afraid to look up and find that what was now happening to him was really real. He didn't want to admit to himself that he was now in a maximum security prison and that the only attachment to the outside world he had was locked away inside his heart, for no one to see but him.

How had he ended up here and just what had he been thinking doing something as reckless as taking someone's car and running it down the streets the way he had. He should have known by now what damage that causes, two deaths were already on his conscience for that. To do it again though just made him feel sick to his stomach.

The knot had been there for days, threatening to take him down and make sure he never felt again but he forged on none the less. He may not like where he had to be right now and there were a million other places he could be, but only one of them meant something to him and he was sad that he couldn't be there now.

_I wonder how she is holding up without me..._ he thought to himself as he remembered in his mind the way she had looked in the courtroom that day as the verdict had been read. They had prepared themselves for this in the case that it did happen but it didn't make it any easier to shake once the actual words were spoken,

The image of her that day was stuck in his brain, never letting him sleep, or do anything to keep his strength up. He was going to need it in here but he found that the will to fight had left him the minute he had walked away from Trish that day in the courtroom and it wasn't ever going to return until he saw her again.

Of that he was sure.

**Flashback**

"_We the jury find the defendant, John Felix Anthony Cena...guilty on both counts of vehicular manslaughter in the untimely deaths of the two afore mentioned victims." _

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Trish cried, grabbing onto John as tightly as she could, not wanting to believe that this was happening. _

"_Mr. Ramirez, get your client and the gallery under control or I will hold all of you in contempt of court." the judge boomed through the microphone attached to the bench he sat behind._

"_Ms. Stratus you need to control yourself, this is a court of law young lady." the lawyer known as Ramirez said, making John almost seethe with anger. Just what had the man expected would happen? A party would break out when the damn verdict was read?_

_He knew what this was doing to her and he slowly pried her off of him and away from his arm but before he pushed her back down in the seat he spoke. "Wish please don't make this any harder then it already is. If you stay strong then I can too. I need you to do this for me honey please."_

_His words seemed to calm her enough that she sat back down and listened intently and quietly as the sentencing came next. When the life terms were announced, tears stinging her eyes and running black mascara down her face she was on her feet again. _

_John wanted to stop her from making a scene and getting into more trouble then she already was but he also knew there was no way he could not when she was fighting for what the two of them shared and the thoughts of now losing it. _

"_What the hell is wrong with you people? Two life sentences? By the time he gets out he won't even have a life to live. That is if he gets out! How can you people do this to him, to us, to what we might have had?"_

_She broke down into the seat then and Shawn and Hunter, who had made the trip to be there for him had to escort her out. As he watched her form walking from the courtroom he realized this was going to be the last time he would ever see her for a long period of time, and all he could see was her walking away from him._

**End Flashback**

Had that last image of the woman he loved walking from the courtroom mean something in the grand scheme of things? Did it mean that in walking away he would never see her again? Could their love really survive this much agony?

"Welcome to Cell Block D. This here is your new living quarters for the next twenty five to life." the guard said as he pointed into the dark and dank cell that was now to become John Cena's new home. As he looked at the cracked brick walls and the bunk bed that was situated there, the sheets stained with what looked like old blood, he realized that this was the final straw. He was now a prisoner and life would never be the same again.

As the guard walked away from the cell whistling some tune that John had never heard of, he flopped down on the lower bunk and closed his eyes. He had never been in this place before, not prison because well he had never been here either, but this place of total darkness and confusion and hopelessness. He was alone, more alone then he had ever been in his life and he knew he had no one to blame but himself. So he did the only thing he could think of in that moment and he looked to the ceiling and with tears stinging the corners of his eyes he prayed for the first time in his life.

"_God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Please God look after Trish because more then helping me right now she needs you for so many other reasons. She can't do this alone anymore and neither can I. Make our love strong. Amen."_

He drifted off into slumber then, the only thoughts occupying his mind as he did was the sound of Trish's voice when she had told him for the first time that she loved him, and the look on her face when he had said it back. Their love was pure and it was strong and as sleep set in instantly he knew they would get through this...they just had to believe.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Additional Notes:** Sequel To Bliss ( you might need to read that one first!)

* * *

**In the rear view mirror**

Her hands shook as she tried to pry the box open. With everything in her she steadied her hands, knowing that in opening this box and following the instructions, her life would surely take a different turn.

It had only been a week since the day the earth stood still. The day when John had been found guilty of vehicular manslaughter and then sentenced to two consecutive life sentences. In that time she had been finding it hard to breathe on her own and wanted to badly to be in his arms again, at the beach that night when they had made love for the first time.

She pulled the test out of the packaging, and with trembling fingers ripped the plastic that was wrapped around it. Staring at the baby blue coloring she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Did she really want to know the answer to this one question? What good would it do her if she did know? It wasn't like this would make things change and bring the man she loved home to her arms again.

"I can't believe this is happening to me." she said sighing, throwing the box and plastic in the trash bin and preparing herself to take the test that was now in front of her on the counter. She prided herself on being the smart one, never letting things take her away from her goals and now here she was standing alone in her bathroom and getting ready to take a test that would change her life forever. Could change her life anyway, should the results be positive.

_There is nothing positive about any of this right now._ She thought as she took the test and placed the cap back over the stick, awaiting the three minutes to travel by so that she could know her answers and her fate.

After pacing around for what felt like five minutes but in reality was only one, she decided that it was better to get out of the bathroom and occupy herself with something else. The test would be fine where it was and there was really no need for her to rush back to find out the answer anyway. She had a ton of things she needed to get done anyway and there was no better time then the present.

_I wonder how John is holding up. Does he miss me as much as I miss him?_

She wanted to be there in the jail with him now, wrapping her arms around him and never again letting go but she knew that was an impossible dream. First of all she had gotten direct orders from the lawyers that for the first two weeks she could not visit him and that he had routines to get settled into and a future to survive. At first she had assumed they were trying to keep her away from their client but in the end she found out that it was all legal.

These two weeks were going to kill her, and now with what was happening in her life she really needed to be able to lean on John for support. Justice in some ways had been served but in others it just seemed wrong.

_If these tests come back positive, am I going to be able to do this on my own? Without him there to guide me?_

Her mind was awash with thoughts like these and she just wanted to shut down her brain for awhile and take a break. But as long as John was in prison and she was in love with him, she knew that would never happen.

She curled up on her rocking chair, grabbing the book from the side table and scanning through the pages until she found her bookmark and her place. She had things to do but at this moment in time all she wanted to do was spend a few minutes in someone else's life and forget about the stress and pain of her own. As she started to read the novel, the lead characters name caught her eye and she instantly remembered her final moments with John.

**Flashback**

"_Trish please, don't fall apart on me now, not when I need you the most." he said, his eyes stinging with the tears that were threatening to fall. _

_She had been thankful when his lawyer had planned this meeting before sending him back to the prison but the more she looked at the man she loved the more she wished this meeting would never end. _

"_I am not giving up or giving in but John you told me before that you couldn't say goodbye to me and now, with the realization that we are going to have to say goodbye for awhile at least, I find that I cannot do it either. I just don't want to say goodbye to you. I don't have it in me anymore."_

_He wanted to hold her in his arms, wanted to tell her so many things that were going through his mind at the moment but he knew that by telling her, he would only make things worse for her when he was led away to prison and the hand cuffs that were still holding him tightly prevented him from being able to hold her._

"_Then don't say goodbye."_

"_In my mind it all seems alright you know? Like our love should be able to last until they see the light of day and let you out of here. But then my heart kicks in and says I am fighting a losing battle, a battle I will never win and I start to doubt everything all over again."_

"_You don't doubt that I love you right?"_

"_No, not for one second."_

_John kissed her forehead then, wishing so much that he could wrap his arms around her and walk out of the courtroom into the sunset. He wanted to spend every sunset wrapped in this womans arms and it killed him that he never would again._

"_Then just hold onto that Wish, for me. Because I am going to hold onto my love for you and your love for me and that is going to be the thing that keeps us strong until the day we can be together again."_

_His words touched her heart and as she said her final goodbyes to the man she swore to love forever, a piece of her heart walked out the door with him. A piece that she knew she would never get back no matter what happened in the future. John had her heart and he would always protect it._

**End Flashback**

Putting the book down, wiping the tears from her now damp eyes, she made her way towards the bathroom. There was a result waiting for her, one that threatened to complicate her life even more but also bring her life more joy then she ever thought possible and she found that she couldn't wait any longer to find out the answers.

Looking at the box, finding what code should show up if the test was positive, she looked down at the stick lying silent but deadly on the counter before her. It was then that she received the news that would forever rock her to the very core of her being.

Trish was officially pregnant.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Pictures frozen in time  
Are becoming clearer **

Trish dumped her purse onto the conveyor belt, unloading all of the things she held near and dear to her person each and every day of the year. The one thing that was different and that was now sitting in plain view on the belt was the thing she had finally come here to tell John about.

_The pregnancy test._

She knew it was silly, keeping it the way she had but after cleaning it up and making sure that there was no left over signs of use on it, she just had to keep it for personal reasons. Maybe it was crazy of her but she figured that if she kept it with her it would help calm her heart and her mind. It would also help her realize that this was really her life and she was indeed going to have John's baby.

_His other baby you mean._ She thought as she was cleared through the prison system and escorted by the guard down to the lockup where John would be waiting for her. She hadn't wanted to think about Michelle and the fact that she was going to possibly have John's baby because every time she did it seemed to stab at her heart, but there was no denying it anymore. It seemed they at the very least had this one thing in common.

She wondered if the results had come back from the DNA test they had run when the trial was almost over. She knew deep down if it had then John would have written or called her, if anything just to lighten the blow to her ego that the results were sure to take. She took a deep breath as she walked by all the other families of inmates, and as she did she wondered just what their lives were really like without their loved ones.

Some were here because they deserved to be, but what about the ones that weren't? Was there anything worse then being in a small cell when you knew your life was moving on in the outside world without you?

A lump threatened to slide up her throat at the thought of it and she forced it back down. As she did the guard stopped in front of a large door and pushing a button while she waited, the door began to swing open with a loud ringing sound. Covering her ears to the deafening noise she made her way through and down the hall to where the other guard was now posted outside of the room John would be in.

This was not normally the way they ran things but because of the nature of John's crime and the fact that Trish had fought them tooth and nail for some alone time with her boyfriend, she had gotten it to be this way. She would now have him in a room for about a half an hour where she could finally reconnect with the man she hadn't seen for two weeks.

Could she handle seeing him this way? Locked up with nowhere to go?

As she made her way into the room and saw the man sitting in the chair, his facial hair starting to grow in, she realized that she didn't have a choice because as much as she hated this whole thing she loved the man in the chair with the sullen eyes.

"Trish..." he said, standing then and catching her as she raced to him, throwing her arms around his body, thankful for the warmth that was still there between them. She pulled back long enough to kiss him deeply and tenderly, something she had been seriously missing the entire two weeks they had been apart. If this was what it was going to feel like every time she came to see him from now on, the feeling of something new every time they touched then it was definitely something she would deal with. Anything to be with him this way forever.

"You don't know how amazing it is to see those baby blues again Wish. When you walked in here I thought I was dreaming."

His words had the intended mark because she immediately smiled and burst into small tears at the same moment. Her heart wanted to scream with joy at seeing him and seeing just how good he looked considering his new living arrangements. Sure he had facial hair but on him, it didn't matter. He was still the same John Cena that she had fallen in love with all those weeks ago.

"It's not a dream baby, its the real thing." She whispered softly as she took the seat across from him as he did the same. "How are you holding up?"

As he spoke he didn't catch her eye and Trish could instantly tell he was hurting, more then he was allowing himself to show. It was something that she had never been able to feel before but was thankful to feel in that moment because it allowed her to feel just what John was feeling in the moment.

They were more connected then either of them had realized.

"I want to come home Wish. I wake up every day wondering just when this bad dream will end and I will be back in your home with you, waking up beside you. Feeling safe and loved again."

She had wondered the same thing in her time alone. When the day might come when they could wake up beside each other and know that they were never going to be broken apart again. The reality was, that was never going to happen, at least not for 25 years or more and there was not a whole lot of sense in hoping and praying for it.

"Our home feels lonely without you there John." She said, allowing her words to sink into him before continuing. "I think I might move."

"Why would you move from--" he stopped then, cluing in to what she had said. "Did you just say "our" home?"

She smiled brightly at the light in his eyes, the instant recognition there. "Yes John. When you admitted your feelings to me, it became our home."

He grew silent then and Trish was struck with what she had said wrong. She knew it touched him, she could feel that much from him but why did he look so sad all of a sudden? Instead of trying to figure out what she had said, she decided that there was no time like the present to tell him the news she had.

"I have to admit to you that there is more then one reason I pushed so hard to see you today John. Something has happened since the trial and I think it's time I told you about it."

She had been able to visit him on one of three days this week and having been a Friday when they first made love together on the beach, she had held off until today so that the message she was about to share would sort of feel like an anniversary of sorts. She was happy about the baby but at the same time afraid at what he might think about it and the fact that he wouldn't be there for the birth.

"What's going on Trish? What happened? Is everything alright?" John asked her, concern shadowing his bright blue eyes and making them turn an odd shade of gray.

"Everything is fine John, there is really nothing to worry about. What I have to tell you, i believe is something good and something that you are going to be very happy about."

His eyes looked up from the broken and dilapidated table and caught the twinkle in her eyes. The gray in his eyes started to change then back to the loving blue they had been when she had first walked into the room.

"John, I took a test a week ago and well..." she said, taking a break to make sure she had her words straight in her mind. "We're going to have a baby."

Not wasting another minute he jumped up from the table and scooped her into his arms which earned a stern look from the guard that standing guard at the door, looking in at the two of them. He hated the intrusion on this moment but he knew it was mandatory.

"How? When? The beach?" he asked, all three questions stumbling out in a rush as Trish nodded her head in the affirmative. "Are you sure?"

She laughed and smacked him lightly on the arm before kissing him passionately. After a few minutes of kissing she pulled away and answered his question. "Yes John, I went to the doctor and it was confirmed. We are going to have a baby right around Valentines Day next year."

The shadow to his eyes was back again and he backed away from her obviously lost in the thoughts that were now invading his mind. This happy moment was something he should be shouting from the rooftops and instead he was stuck in this cell like room with it and nowhere to run.

She walked up behind him then and wrapped her arms around him from behind, feeling his heart beat all the way through his back and using that as her guide to dealing with his pain right now.

"John what is it baby? Why did you pull away?"

He spun around to face her then and his eyes grew darker then she had ever seen them before and she had witnessed him in some really bad fights in the WWE. This did not compare to that. Not in the slightest.

"I'm going to have a child I will never see and it's going to come on Valentine's Day, the day of lovers. I won't be there to see my own child born because of this hell I put myself in."

He broke down then, crumbling into a heap on the floor of the room. Trish fell with him and held him tightly, as she had all those weeks ago at Hunter's when he had been at the lowest point of his life. So much had changed since then but yet there were still no easy answers for the both of them. John was right, as happy as this was for them, he would never be around to see any of it.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**I don't wanna waste another day  
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes**

_You know what you need to do here._

Of course he knew what the "right" thing to do here was but it didn't mean for one second that he had to like it. He had done a lot of thinking in the past two weeks and the more he thought about it, the more this answer kept coming to him. Now though, with the news about the baby Trish was carrying surrounding him, it made it that much harder to execute. Just how was he going to do the right thing when the right thing just seemed so wrong now?

He struggled free of her grasp around him, his tears long since dried up. He pushed away from her and in the process threw her back against the wall and as he looked at her when he got to his feet, he saw the hurt and shock that was paramount in her eyes. Hell it was written all over her face.

"John..." was all she could manage to get out as the realization of what was taking place finally came full circle. He was pushing her away, she knew that and she understood the reasons behind it but how many times did she have to push back before he stopped? She wasn't planning on leaving him, especially not when he needed her the most and he knew this, deep down he had to know it. So why this? Why now?

"Trish please don't speak anymore." She watched in awe as his eyes turned glassy and cold. She tried to grab onto his arm but he again pulled it away quickly, not allowing for one second the feel of her to touch him because if she did, she would know just how much all of this was killing him.

He had to do the right thing here and that was he had to make her realize that there was no hope for them now or in the future. He would never be free of the chains that had held their choking grip on him all these years and it was pointless to try and make believe any different. She was better off starting over, whether she was pregnant or not.

He could not and would not put his baby through this, no matter how much he happened to love its mother.

"John do not do this...we can do this together.." she choked out, the sobs threatening to break through at any moment. He was indeed pulling out all the stops to push her away, she just hoped she could stop it before he went too far.

"I lied to you Trish. I lied when I said that I loved you because I don't think I have ever been capable of loving anyone or anything. The reason I am here has taught me that. So you are better off leaving now and never coming back."

Before she had a chance to argue with him, to make him see that what he was doing was wrong, he stood directly in her face, his look cold and unfeeling. Something she had never seen John Cena be before and something she had to turn away from now.

"I want you to listen to me alright? Leave this room right now and when you do, I promise you that you will never be allowed back in. I am going to pull your name from the visitors list the minute you walk out that door. Just do whats best for this baby and for yourself and get the hell away from me."

He walked away from her then and banged heavily on the steel door where the guard stood on the other side waiting. He opened the door then and John made his way out, escorted by another guard back to the cell that was now his home.

As he walked away from the room and from the first real love of his life though, he couldn't help feeling like he had just made the single biggest mistake of his life in walking away from her and turning so distant and cold the way he did.

Was he happy that he was going to be a father? Yes he was but not with the life the baby would most surely lead being brought to visit its father in a cold hard jail cell. The kid and Trish would be better off in the long run. All he had to do now was make himself believe that and everything would work out just fine.

The agonizing sound of her cries followed him down the hallway and into the dark and lonely night alone in his cell and as he put his head to the mattress that night, he prayed for a speedy death so that he never had to hear or see the look on his girlfriends face ever again.

* * *

She walked from the prison an empty shell of the woman she had been when she had arrived only an hour beforehand. In the span of that short hour her whole life had flashed before her eyes and the reality of it was enough to make her sick.

John, in an attempt to push her farther away from him and from the life he was now destined to live had lied to her and told her that he had never loved her. She knew deep down that was wrong and the baby that was now slowly growing each minute inside her body told her that. A baby could not be made from anything but the greatest of loves.

She wasn't going to give up on him that easily and while her heart did feel broken and bleeding at the moment she knew that she would rise above it and figure out a way for John to see the light and let her back into his life and stop the foolishness of wanting to push her away.

Hadn't he told he once before he went to jail that he would never run from her again? Hadn't he said he never wanted to break a promise to her the way he had the night he ran from the AA meeting and caused the accident he was now serving time for? She had to make him see the damage that those broken promises would cause and she had to make sure she stayed strong and by, his side because apparently now he needed her and this baby more then ever before.

As she drove home she pictured the look on his face as he had learned the baby would be born on the lovers holiday, one that he wouldn't be able to truly celebrate the way he wanted too. Something in him had gone back to that night when he had walked in on Michelle and Randy then, she had seen it in his eyes and she hadn't liked it one bit. She had to do something drastic to fight it and bring him back from wherever he was now hiding.

As she pulled into her driveway and turned off the ignition she evaluated what had taken place at the prison and just what she needed to do to change it, so much so that she didn't see the shadow that was now standing on her doorstep.

It was only when she stood from the car and headed for the front door that the reality of the person on her doorstep hit her. It took her a few minutes to realize who it was and just what they were doing there possibly on the worst day of her life, but when she did she steeled herself to what was about to come.

"Hello Trish.."

Before she could answer she felt the nausea hit her and within seconds the world seemed to start spinning. She tried to shake it off and started to walk towards her door, moving slowly around the person who was waiting with baited breath for her to speak.

The last thing she remembered was her keys falling to the ground and the rest of the world moving around inside her mind...and then everything went black.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Cause I want you,  
And I feel you,**

He knelt down on the floor, putting the now cold washcloth from her bathroom closet over her forehead, wishing with everything in him that she was wake up. He knew it had to come as a shock, him showing up on her doorstep after all of these years. When he had gotten on the road days earlier he had no planned destination, but somehow his heart had led him here to her. He just wished she would wake up so that he could tell her it was really him and he was back.

She started to stir then and he said a mental thank you while looking above him. The last thing he had wanted to do when showing up here was cause her any more pain so he was almost like an excited child when she finally opened her eyes.

"I thought you would never wake up." He said as her eyes seemed to take notice of him. He watched her eyes grow wide in shock again and before she had another chance to pass out he put his hand onto hers, covering it. "Oh no you don't, you already did that remember?"

She touched her forehead and felt the cold cloth there and she threw a look at the man who was still crouched on the floor awaiting some sort of response from her.

"How did you know to do this?" she choked out, still trying to get her heart to beat in a normal rhythm. At first glance she had thought she was seeing a ghost when he had stood on her doorstep, but now that her eyes had focused and the coma like feeling had left her body, she knew this was most definitely not a dream. He really was sitting in her living room in Toronto. For what though she still had no idea.

"I didn't, I just kind of did what I thought you needed." he said sheepishly, averting his eyes from her lingering gaze. She hadn't changed a bit in the five years since they had been together. He noticed that her eyes still had the twinkle they always did and that her lips pursed the same way when she was deep in thought. If he admitted it to himself she still looked as stunning as she had then, maybe even more so as the years had probably changed her.

_What the hell was I thinking doing what I did to her?_

This was not the first time he had this conversation with himself since that time in his life. It was just the first time he had done it while sitting in front of the woman herself. He had been such a mess back then that he hadn't known a good thing when it slapped him right in the face. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, would probably ever happen to him and he had done nothing but push her away until the straw finally broke and he had walked out of her life for good.

Until now anyway.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she sat up further on the sofa, taking the cloth from her head and placing it on the end table to her right. This had not been the first time he had been here but when he had walked out on her all those years ago, she could have sworn she would never see him again. But he was really here, breathing and very much alive.

"I honestly don't know Trish. I got behind the wheel of my car and I just drove."

"And you just happened to end up in Canada? Who the hell does that?"

He shrugged his shoulders and again looked away from her. The truth was looking her in the eye was too much for him now. He had so much to make up for, to be sorry for and looking into her eyes as she questioned him just made him feel worse. She deserved better then this that was for sure.

"I do I guess."

Her face changed then and he could tell that the past between them was now floating to the surface. She had anger, and every bit of it was going to be aimed at him and he knew he deserved it for what had happened between them. He just wished she didn't have to wear her emotions on her sleeves the way she was now. While she still looked beautiful, it just didn't suit her. She deserved to be wearing a smile.

"Why now? Why come here now when I finally got over the past and what happened then!"

_Because I finally woke up one day and realized that the only thing missing from my life was that one great love. The love I had with you and that I threw away all those years ago._ He thought to himself but didn't dare say. Instead he opted for the easiest answer he could think of and that was the other half of the real reason he was here. He was sorry.

"I came because in order for me to move on with my life I need to deal with the past. I never ended things properly with you and I treated you badly. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am sorry Trish. I never meant for any of this to happen to us, or more importantly to you the way it did."

She watched him intently, wondering just how much of what he was saying was really what he felt inside and how much was just for her benefit. Was he still doing drugs and if he was, was this just a way to get back in her good graces so that he could take advantage of her again? If that was indeed the case she wasn't buying it for a second.

"What do you want me to say? That I forgive you, that what happened back then meant nothing to me and I moved on? Well I did move on from all of it but it took me a really long fucking time. So save whatever it is you are going to say next and get the hell out of my house."

She stood from the sofa then and took off as quickly as she could from the room. She had to get as far away from this man as possible. Just the sight of him brought back all of those painful nights when she had cried herself to sleep over him and what he had done to them. Or better yet what his drug use had done to them. The last thing she wanted now was a walk down memory lane with him.

As she reached the bathroom door she closed it and fell to her knees in front of the toilet. All of the days events came flooding back one by one, from John hugging her tightly after hearing about the baby, to him pushing her away and telling her it was over and now to the man that was probably still standing in her living room.

Without another thought she opened the lid of the toilet and she threw up. Not because she was carrying a baby and that was part of a normal pregnancy, but from all of the pain that her mind and heart was having to endure. She was sick to death of everything in that moment and as the final wretch came, she heard the knock at the door. Before she could answer back the door opened and he walked in.

"Trish, I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause you this much pain. I'll leave but first I just had to say again how sorry I am for the past. I hope someday we can talk about this and be friends. I miss you."

As he went to step back out of the room, she spun away from the toilet and stood up, as quickly as she could to catch the man who was now about to walk out of her life one more time.

"Jeff Hardy, we will never be anything more then what we were back then and that was nothing to each other. Save your apology for someone who actually cares about it. Now kindly get the hell out of my house."

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Crawling underneath my skin **

The last few days had been the hardest days of her entire life to get through, what with the morning sickness finally taking its toll on her body and then the incessant phone calls from Jeff Hardy wanting to check on her to make sure she was alright. Then there was John, who for the past three days she hadn't heard a word from and true to his word, had blocked her from coming back to the prison to see him.

_How can he do this to me? To us? To the family that no matter what we are to each other is what we are going to be when this child is born?_

She had asked herself that question so many times since that day in the prison that she thought for sure her mind was going to explode. There was no easy answer for what John had done. She did not like it one bit but she knew why he was doing it and she didn't blame him. There were days like today when she was all alone with her thoughts that she wondered if she could really have this baby and raise it, bringing it to see its father at a federal prison for the rest of its young life. He was right in that it wasn't a life that a child should be thrown into.

But it was their life wasn't it? They were the parents to his baby growing inside of her, no matter what way you shook it and she owed it to this baby to make sure that it knew its father. Not to mention she loved John more then she had ever thought she would again. Jeff had left such a huge gaping hole in her heart that night he walked out on her, taking her heart with him that she thought she was never going to get it back.

It made her wonder just what it was about John that changed all of that. She had been a lost cause, content to live inside herself, doing her job day in and day out despite the feelings she had that she wanted her life to end. All of that had changed when John had come into her life the way he had and she was so thankful for him. If it wasn't for that night at Hunter's home, where he had thought that she was Michelle then she might never have seen anyone else's pain but her own. He helped open the door to her heart that night, despite the sick way it had begun and she owed him her life for it.

_John why can't you just admit you're as scared as I am?_ She asked inside her mind, knowing deep down that there wouldn't an answer. She had a connection with the man but it didn't span that far. There was no way that just by closing her eyes and picturing him, alone and scared, missing her as much as she missed him, that she would get the answers to all of her questions. She truly believed that until her inner voice spoke again.

_I have admitted it._

She closed her eyes again then and searched deep inside of herself. She had heard the answer as clear as day and it wasn't an answer to anything other then what she had just asked John. She wasn't a big believer in the power of the Other Side, but maybe, just maybe there was more of a connection then she had originally thought.

She tried to appeal to the part of her brain that seemed to be connected only to John, pushing him to answer more questions and when none came she knew it had all been for naught. Her mind had played tricks on her the way it had when she had dated Jeff all those years ago and nothing weird was going on.

But how she wished she had the ability to tune into John somehow now. She needed him more then ever now that Jeff had made another appearance in her life. She couldn't get through this alone.

Picking up the mail she had thrown down earlier, she started scanning through it, throwing the bills to one side, deciding that as soon as she was done cooking her dinner she would deal with them. She was about to throw the rest of the mail down to go and check dinner when she saw it. The postmark stood out to her more then anything, and then in the corner of the envelope she saw the name written there in his familiar scrawl and her heart just stopped, as if frozen in time.

With trembling fingers she tore open the envelope and pulled the musty yellow legal paper from the remains. She flicked it open and felt the flood gates of her heart open as she read the familiar words from the one man she would forever truly love.

Dated a week before she had gone to see him, in the time that they had not been allowed any contact, she eagerly scanned the letter, looking for some kind of sign that would tell her that everything in the end was going to be alright. Her heart needed it but more then that, so did her baby.

Wish,

As time goes by and I sit here alone in this cell with only my visual memory of you to keep my heart and soul warm, I realize that all of the things that I wanted in the past, all of the things I needed then and now, are the same things that you have offered to me over and over time and time again. I took them for granted one too many times and now I am paying for it.

For as long as I live I will never be able to say sorry enough for what I put you through, with what happened that night with the accident to what I put you through with the trial. I am not better then all the other men in your past despite my best intentions to be different.

For all of my faults and mistakes though Trish, the one thing that never fails and that will never fail me as long as I live is how I really feel about you and how I think I have always in some small way felt about you. I can admit it now, I have loved you before I even knew you. My only wish is that as the days go on, you will remember that you are loved and that even though we might be far apart, my heart still beats with you and for you. You really were my Wish, Trish and i never want you to forget that.

I will see you as soon as the warden clears it but until then I close my eyes and dream of that day on the beach. The day the earth stood still and you took me on a walk to remember.

I love you.

John

She threw the letter back down onto the table, her heart wanting to break into a million pieces as she did. How had things changed so much in the past two weeks? How had John gone from this heart wrenching letter to pushing her away as far and as fast as he could?

_I cannot allow him to give up on us, now that I have this letter in my possession._

She knew that with or without the letter she was never going to let him go, not for any amount of money or sanity in the world. He may be a prisoner now, but he was still her prisoner and that wasn't going to change because he said so. He needed her just as much as she did him and she wasn't going to sit idly by anymore as he decided what was best for her.

She picked up the phone then and called the only other person she knew for a fact that John wouldn't take off his visitor list and silent prayed within herself that he was home and he would help her out. If he didn't, she was going to be completely out of options.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Advisory:** This is a first for a story of mine but something I think needs to be put here. This chapter will contain my personal take on a prison fight and there will be a fatal injury occurring in this chapter. So reader discretion is advised.

**Authors Notes:** I am taking a break from the song of the story and putting in another song for this chapter. It is by Coldplay and the name is Fix You. The lyrics here are used for entertainment purposes only and no copyright infringement is intended. Thank you for your support of this fiction. I appreciate it.

* * *

**When you try your best but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want but not what you need  
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse**

It was lunch time and the inmates were all milling around, awaiting their lunch orders to be placed before them, everyone branching off into their own groups, cursing, passing drugs and cigarettes around, some even planning on who was going to get beaten down next.

John sat alone, awaiting the time when the guards would stroll through the door of what felt like the asylum, to pass out the measly thing they considered a proper meal. Sure, when he had first started in the wrestling business he had been known to feast on nothing but raw potato, much like his idol at the time Stone Cold Steve Austin, but this was different.

For a place that had millions of dollars in funding handed to it every damn year, the meal selection was just downright disturbing. But this didn't faze John as he patiently waited for his number to be called when he would get some good old down home slop. Straight from the cow's ass, but that was neither here nor there.

He felt their eyes on him of course, they all knew who he was, at least who he had been on television but yet no one had come up and made a mention of it, or even bothered to get him to sign anything. At the very least that was the one thing he was happy about in the prison system. You might be famous but you were more infamous in there. No one cared what you did before you ended up there, they only cared what you did once you were there.

The guard came by his table then and threw a lunch tray down, making an awful crashing noise as it did. This got the attention of everyone around him and made them all stop and take notice of the man who was being singled out by the guards.

Should he say something or just bide his time the way he had been doing this whole time? Surely speaking up now would earn him nothing but a good beat down later and while he was good at taking it in the squared circle, he knew he just didn't want the hassle of it here. These guys, whether inmate or guard meant business.

**When the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse**

As soon as the last guard made his way out of the lunch room area though, he heard the scraping of chairs behind him. He didn't need to look to know that now that the cats were out, the mice were going to play, or rather cause shit. It had happened before and would surely happen again. So looking down at possibly the worst meal in history, minus Trish's horrible chicken, he began to eat. It was then that he felt it, something he hadn't seen coming and didn't think would ever happen.

The first blow was enough to knock him face first down into the table, but it was the next shot that really sent him over the edge. He tried to raise his head, tried to see who was attacking him, what they might possibly want from him but the minute he moved his head he felt another sharp punch from the other side of him knock his jaw out of place.

His mind was screaming to get up, to try and run from what was happening now but his body would not comply. Suddenly as he peered out he saw more and more men stand from the table and begin to make their way over to where he was now being pummeled and lifted out of his chair by the back of his uniform.

He hit the floor with a sickening thud and from there he was repeated kicked, over and over again until he could no longer feel his legs and lower torso and stomach. He felt the blood rising up in his throat and knew that if he didn't do something soon, or if someone didn't come to his rescue he was surely going to die here alone.

He tried to get up but his legs buckled out from under him and the kicking and stomping and punching continued until he was even finding it hard to breath. The numb feeling that had started in his mind was now travelling all throughout his body and he wondered if this was what it was like to be paralyzed.

_Please God make it stop. _He thought to himself, screaming inside for someone to help him, for someone to take him away from this hell and make sure he never returned. But no one was coming. He stood as well as he could, falling down again and finally got onto his knees and tried crawling like an infant to try and get away.

**Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you**

He saw what he thought was a knife then, and he immediately made a move to get away faster. If he could just get to the door then he would surely be able to get away and make sure this wasn't the last memory he had before he died.

"How do you like us now Champ?" one of the inmates said as he continued to kick and stomp on John, threatening to take away the very last breath John seemed to have in him. He then felt a sharp stabbing pain in his stomach area and when he stopped slinking along and looked at his chest he saw the puddle of blood forming through his prison suit and now starting to slide down onto the floor.

Darkness came then and with one final blow he was out. The last thing he remembered as he passed out was that he hadn't made it to the door and now he was going to die of a stab wound to the chest.

The last vision he had before passing out made his heart sick for what he had done. His last vision was of her, dressed in white and telling him in soft hushed tones that she loved him. If he didn't know any better he could have sworn she looked like someone.

Trish Stratus the Angel was the last vision he had before hitting the floor with a sickening crack.

* * *

**High up above or down below  
When you too in love to let it go  
If you never try you'll never know  
Just watch and learn**

The phone rang, causing her to stop her trek to the door, on her way to pick up Shawn from the airport as they had planned and to cast a look at the ringing device. Just who could be calling her now, right when she was about to take steps to put her life and the life of the man she loved back on course. Surely it couldn't be Jeff again.

She walked back into the house and picked up the receiver not recognizing the number that was now showing on her caller ID. Putting the phone to her ear she pushed the talk button and spoke, hoping that it wasn't Jeff calling again to ask her to meet with him. She had about as much as she could take of Hardy and his attempts at making up for the past.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mrs. Cena?"

Her eyes widened then and she began to question just what in the hell was going on here. Who was this calling her and why were they referring to her as Mrs. Cena when she wasn't even close to being that way with John. It clicked in then that maybe this had something to do with John and he had given them her number and told them she was his wife.

"Yes, who is this?"

"It's Harrison Granger, the Warden at the Kingston Penitentiary. Ma'am, I am calling about an incident involving your husband that happened earlier today."

Something had happened to John? What had he gotten himself into now and just how had the guard known to call her of all people?

"What happened to John? Is he alright? Was he hurt? Can I come and see him?" all of the questions came flying out of her mouth before she had the chance to think them through. John had to be alright he just had too.

"No Ma'am he isn't alright. He has been taken to a local hospital with stab wounds to three major arteries and he has lost a hell of a lot of blood. Your name was his emergency contact so you are the first person I called." The man continued to give her the Hospital name and details about the fight that had taken place in the lunch hall, all the while bringing the pregnant Trish to her knees in absolute horror. She hung up the phone and ran from the house, calling Shawn on his cell phone immediately and leaving him a message telling her where to meet him. She got behind the wheel of the car and took off as fast as she could down the suburban road.

She only hoped she could get to him in time. There was no way he could die on her before she had the chance to tell him just how much she cared and needed him.

**Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you**

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Like a hunger,  
Like a burning,**

She flew through the emergency room doors, the ones that she knew so well and immediately ran up to the nurses station, the same nurse who had been there the last time she had been checking on John met her with a smile.

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again dear. What was he brought in for this time?" she asked with a slight knowing smile, that told Trish silently that boys would be boys. Trish wanted to acknowledge the woman but knew that the most important thing in that moment was finding out where John was and if he was alright. Everything else in the world could cease to exist now for all she cared. She just wanted to see the man she loved.

"He was in a fight and apparently was beaten pretty bad. Please tell me where he is..." she said, tears starting to stream down her face, the pain of the past few months of her life finally taking hold. The flood gates had been opened and there was no stopping them now. Just what had her life become?

"I'll take you to him right now dear, don't worry your pretty heart no longer." The woman grabbed her arm, squeezing it gently for support and took off at a brisk pace down the hall, Trish left to use all of her willpower to keep up and not be dragged behind.

They reached a room door and the nurse left her side and went in to check on the patient and make sure all was clear for Trish to enter. She knew this wasn't a traditional room, the same kind that she had been in the last time she had been there for John. This one was different in that it looked like an operating room. The nurse came out then and motioned for her to enter and the minute she did, and smelt the heavy stench of antiseptic she knew it even smelled differently from the last room as well. This room smelled of death, something she hoped was not the case here.

She saw John then, lying flat on his back on the operating table, having been stabilized, the IV running through his arms and the leads stuck to his chest. Obviously it had been used to jump start his heart. The tears from before continued to fall as she felt her throat start to seize up on her. Just what had happened in the prison fight and why had it caused John to need this much medical attention.

She damned herself internally for not asking for more information over the telephone when the Warden had called her. Before she could make her way over to John, to hold his hand and in some small way let him know she was there with him the nurse stopped her.

"I am not supposed to allow people in here but since he has a few minutes before he is being moved to the Intensive Care wing, I think you have enough time to let him know he isn't alone here anymore."

Trish squeezed the womans hand tightly and watched as she walked away. She went to him then and grabbing his stale hand and placing it within hers, she gave him as much of her body heat as she could. His hands were cold and clammy, not the normal warmth she had come to know when touching him and she felt sick to her stomach. God how she wished she could go back in time and make all of this right again. Stop him from going to AA before he was ready, stop him from drinking and driving, God all of it.

"John, it's Wish." she said, using his nickname for her, hoping in some small way it might help him wake up and come around. "I got here as soon as I could. Baby you need to wake up now alright, you need to come back to me so that I can tell you what an asshole you are for kicking me and our child out of your life. If you don't wake up I can't do that.." she laughed lightly in spite of herself and the moment she was now caught in.

She did want to tell him just what she thought about him pushing her away but knew the time for that would come later, much later. Right now she just had to remain calm and hope for the best. He was at the very least breathing on his own and fighting and that was all she could ask for.

The door opened then and orderlies, doctors and a few nurses she didn't recognize came flooding into the room, complete with a gurney to place him on so that he could be moved to a private room. She backed away from them and let them do their work, all the while praying that this wasn't the last time they would ever be together. He had to fight to stay alive, he just had too. He wasn't alone anymore and he had a family to think about. Because whether he wanted her to be or not, she was indeed the only family he had in that moment and she wasn't going anywhere.

_She watched him take the blanket out of the bag and began to unfold it, her eyes glued to his hands and the way they seemed to master just about anything he touched. The past twenty four hours had been a roller coaster ride of emotions but she wouldn't change a thing. Standing here now in the middle of the night, all that was surrounding them was darkness and the light of the moon, it was right where she wanted to be. _

_No matter what happened tomorrow when he turned himself in, they had tonight and if what had happened so far was any indication, this was going to be one hell of a memory._

"_Should we have taken pillows?" John asked her then, bringing her about face and remembering that he was still working away across from her. _

"_I don't think I want my pillows filled with sand. I want to remember this night, not carry about souvenirs of it." she said, trying to contain the laughter that was threatening to bubble over in her throat. Sometimes without even trying he could be down right funny. The best part about it was that she never seemed to see it coming. It was nice._

"_You mean you don't want a message in a bottle of sand out of the ocean from me?" he said, his blue eyes shining with humor, pouting his lips in defeat, all aimed in her direction. He had finished with the blanket and the wine bucket and ice and he came up behind her and wrapped his arms tenderly around her shoulders, trying to keep her warm from the chill of the lake before them._

"_It is so serene out here tonight John. It's like the perfect night."_

"_It isn't the night that makes it so perfect Trish but I do agree with you that the night is pretty perfect."_

_She snuggled deeper into his arms as they stood looking out over the vast land before them. In the midst of all this beauty it was amazing that they were a part of it. Such small beings as themselves were such a point of the bigger picture. "Well if the night isn't what makes this perfect then what exactly does Mr. Cena?" she asked coyly, itching for him to say the words that were sure to warm her heart. And he did not disappoint._

"_You."_

It was so vivid in his mind, he could see it just as if he was happening again right in front of him. He wanted to reach out to touch her, to tell her that he was alright and that he knew that she was there with him now but using his mind to move his fingers, he found it too hard and stopped fighting in anger.

That night on the beach had been the best memory that he had of of their short time together and one that on the cold lonely nights in jail had kept him warm. That was until he had pushed her away from him, telling her that their baby and her were better off without him.

Why couldn't he just wake up now, look into her eyes and tell her just what a horrible mistake he had made throwing her out of his life the way he had. Why couldn't he tell her that he did love her, had always known he loved her and from this day forward he was never going to let her forget just how much he cared.

He realization hit him then. He knew why he couldn't open his eyes and all he could have was the images of past events with her to keep him warm. He couldn't see Trish right now and tell her he loved her because of one simple event.

**He had almost been killed in a prison fight.**

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Authors Notes: **In an effort to span this fiction out in terms of the lyrics at the beginning chapters I am going to have to resort to using a few song chapters throughout this story. What that means folks is that this chapter is also going to be a song chapter. The song is by Nickelback and is named Far Away. No copyright infringement is intended for it, it belongs to them completely. If you know any of my old work, you will see a reference as well in this story to one of my best stories to date named An Affair to Remember. It will be a slight reference but one none the less.

* * *

**This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,**

Trish stirred in the hard backed chair she was sitting in, had fallen asleep in to be more precise and immediately looked at the bed where the man she loved sat still in a permanent restful state. She had wished so hard for him to wake up but after six hours with not so much as a flinch, she had put her hope on the back burner and she realized with great clarity that she needed to rest.

With the stress she had been under lately and now with the baby growing inside her and wiping her out of all extra energy she normally stored up, rest was paramount. She hadn't wanted to sleep in case John chose that time to wake up but the nurses had told her that he might be out for a while and that her best option was to take care of herself so that when he did wake up, she could care for him.

She shiny glint of the handcuffs that were attached to the hospital bed almost made her way to puke. They had come in hours ago and hooked them to him like some common criminal, which she guessed in some ways he was, but it didn't mean she had to like it for one minute. The man had almost died in their custody and now he was being treated like he might just wake up and fly out of the room on a broomstick or something.

_Well I guess thats the criminal justice system for you._ She thought silently to herself. She was about to close her eyes again and go back to dreamland when the door to the room slid open and the shadow of a male body walked in.

Trish looked up and saw him instantly and jumped from the chair and threw her arms around him, so thankful that he had gotten her message and was now there for her and for John. He had been nothing but supportive of the two of them since the night at his best friends home and she couldn't have hoped for anything more. He was really turning into her rock with John being so far away from her, both in prison and right now.

"I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner, my flight got canceled and I had to wait for another one." he explained as he ran his arms up and down the young womans back. He knew how hard this must be on her right now with the way John was out cold and also the way that he looked. His face was full of bruises, something a wrestling ring had never given him and he looked like he had been run over by a Mack Truck. Something that had to take its toll on the woman that loved him.

"It's alright, I'm just glad you're here now." she said, the tears again threatening to fall and she had to use all her force to keep them at bay. "I just don't know what to do here anymore Shawn. I mean he does the right thing and turns himself in, gets sent to a maximum security prison and now this. I mean at the very least couldn't they have made it so he was separate from the real inmates?"

Shawn broke away from the hug and motioned for her to take a seat in the chair she had just vacated. "John told me during the trial that no matter what happened he didn't want to be treated like a famous person. He said that he had done the crime and he needed to pay for it just like any one else would. I actually admired him for that. I never for one minute thought this would be the end result. Do you know what happened?"

She shook her head in disgust. Yes she knew what had happened but reliving it in her mind which she had been doing since she had finally found out was just almost too much to bear.

"He was waiting for the guards to give him his lunch, and they all just decided to beat on him once the guards walked away and out of the area. Apparently there was ten guys all beating on him and one pulled a knife and stabbed him more then ten times. It's a real lucky shot he's still breathing right now. Or so the doctors tell me."

Shawn whistled in shock under his breath and looked over at the man in the hospital bed. He sure did look like he had been in one hell of a fight, a fight he never had a shot at winning and the thought of it made Shawn feel horrible.

"Shawn, I want to talk to him, to tell him things because I think it would help him in the long run but what happens if its for nothing and he doesn't hear a word I say?"

**That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore **

He had been here before, a crisis of faith in a higher power where you wondered if what you did was all for nothing. He had gotten through his and it was obvious that now the time had come for Trish to go head to head with hers and beat it as well. He offered her the only advice in that moment that he could.

"There was a time in my life, a few years ago when I was put in the same place as you. My girlfriend at the time was in a coma and I had to go into my heart and my mind and rescue her and bring her back to me. I didn't think at the time that I could do it, but after some deep soul searching and a real sense of believing, I did it. I know you can do it too Trish, all you have to do is believe."

He stood then and said his goodbyes, leaving the room and her to ponder what he had just left as his final words. He would be back of course but for now she was left with the feeling of strength. Shawn was right, all she had to do was believe in their love, in what they could be and what they were and they could get through this. She could reach John and make him come back to her.

With everything in her she closed her eyes then and instead of reciting a silent prayer the way she had been planning too, she tried to use the power of her love for him to reach him through her mind. It had happened one time before and she only hoped that it could work again.

**On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know**

_I have no idea where to start John. There is so much I want to be able to tell you, to make you come back to me but I am so deeply afraid that it won't matter what I say because you might never truly come back._

_**I am not leaving you Trish and I am right here with you now. There is nothing to be afraid of.**_

The shock of hearing him speak to her inside her mind was enough to bring her heart beat back to its normal motioning beat and also enough to make her believe that deep down miracles do happen and one was taking place between the two of them right now in this lonely hospital room.

_I want to know why you pushed me away so hard. I want to know why you can't just believe in my feelings for you and just love me back._

_**I was stupid that's why I can't trust in your feelings for me. I know you love me and I know that I love you but everything else is so scary, my life is not the same as it was the night when we made love on the beach.**_

_How is it different? You had your death sentence then too don't you remember? You knew you were going to jail and you had come to terms with it. So what changed?_

_**You got pregnant with my child. Thats what changed.**_

_But why does it matter? If you really love me then we can get through anything right? Even the fact that there will be a little Cena running around in eight months. _

_**One that I won't be there to see if you remember correctly.**_

_I didn't forget and I remember just fine. But my love for you is so strong that I think I can do it this way for as long as it takes until you are with me again, with us again. This baby deserves you in its life just as much as I do. _

_**Please forgive me Trish. I never meant to push you away from me that day when you announced the baby to me. I wanted to stick close to you and keep you near me and celebrate by my fears got a hold of me and threatened to never let go. I just do not want to make you stay where you don't wanna be.**_

_Then baby, let me be here with you now, and forever. Let us be a family together. If you will just hold onto my love as tightly as you can then we can beat anything that comes our way._

_**You're that sure of it are you?  
**_

_Yes, because you taught me to be that sure._

**That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore **

She opened her eyes in wonderment then, suddenly realizing the love that they shared and how truly powerful it was. They had the ability to speak to each other inside of their hearts and inside of their minds and it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever experienced in her life. She looked at the bed where he lay then and thats when she saw it, the one thing she would remember for the rest of her life.

John Cena had opened his eyes.

**I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go**

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**To find a place I've never been**

"Th...Th..The baby?" he choked out as she ran to his bedside, quickly grabbing his hand and holding it to her beating heart.

"Is fine John, The baby and I are just fine. We're just worried about you is all." She gently kissed the back of his hand, not letting go of it for one second. Needing the beating of his pulse near her heart to know that this moment was real.

_He was really awake. He came back to me!_ She thought and wanted to scream. Her heart welled up with happiness that the man she had put so much of her heart into wasn't going to leave her without a fight. That he was determined to finally make things right.

He tried to speak again and she put her fingertips to his mouth to stop him. He had just awoken from a comatose state and the last thing he needed to be worrying about was talking to her. She was just happy to have him awake and looking at her this way.

"Shh baby, don't say anything right now, build up your strength. We have all the time in the world to talk to each other when you've had some time." she took her fingers away, assured that he wouldn't push himself.

"I..I love..you." he stuttered, throwing her warning not to speak by the wayside in an effort to let the woman beside him know just how much he cared and was thankful she was here with him. When he had pushed her away a few days before he hadn't assumed she would listen, and according to the guards she hadn't but having her here now with him made him realize that he had made a horrible mistake.

"I know you do John, just as much as I know in my heart how much I love you. How happy I am that you're awake right now. Don't you ever scare me this way again do you hear me? I'm tired of coming to this hospital to see you." she laughed lightly and John cracked a smile. He needed this right now. More then anything he had ever needed in his life.

He cleared his voice, trying to break the cobwebs out so he could talk to Trish the way he wanted too. He hadn't seen her for a few days and it seemed like he wanted to do nothing but tell her how he felt now that he had her here with him.

"I don't want to go back there Trish."

She knew he meant the jail and she couldn't agree more with him. He had wanted to do the right thing and be put with the other inmates but she had never agreed. She knew he was going to be a target, she just hadn't seen it happening so soon after his entry. She didn't want him going back either. But then again she wanted him home and in her arms and bed for the rest of their lives. That might be too much to hope for.

"Well right now you aren't going anywhere." she looked at the handcuffs that binded him as she spoke and realized he might not be leaving the room anytime soon but he was still very much a prisoner. It made her sick to his stomach to see him this way.

"How did you know I was here?" he asked, not wanting to close his eyes but feeling the weight of them bearing down around him. He slid his eyes closed against his will and just listened to the sound her breathing as she was about to speak.

"The Warden called me and told me what happened. John, I don't know all of what happened there but I was so afraid when he called that you had been killed."

"I know, I thought I was dead when I saw the knife." he whispered, his voice again feeling pulled and tired. He needed to rest but he was afraid that the minute he closed his eyes, the vision of the woman here with him now, the vision of Trish would vanish and he would find out again that in this world, he was truly alone.

"Baby, you need to lie back and rest now. I am going to go out and get the doctors but I am not leaving your side. When you wake up again we can talk..we can sort out what is going to happen next."

He nodded his head but not before whispering the words that would keep Trish going just a little bit longer.

"I love you Wish."

* * *

As she exited the room on her way to the nurses station to inform the desk that John had awakened she was stopped dead in her tracks by the two people already standing there, deep in discussion.

Shawn Michaels, who had true to his word not left the hospital and was indeed searching for information on John's condition was standing in deep conversation with the one man she had hoped never to see again.

As she silently made her way to the desk, both men turned around, noticing that she had exited from the room. Shawn, a smile on his lips at the sight of her wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

"Did it work?" he asked, knowing that Trish would know what he meant but that the man with him wouldn't have a clue.

"Yes Shawn it worked just like you said it would. He's awake now and he knows what happened to him. He's also happy to see me, so it turned out better then I could have ever hoped for."

She turned to tell the nurses what she had just told Shawn and they took off in the direction of the room to check on him. When they had safely made their way out of the general area of the desk, she turned back to the two men.

"Just what the hell are you doing here Jeff?"

"I heard what happened and I needed to make sure you were alright. Shawn here was just filling me in on a few things."

She sighed. That wasn't a good enough answer for her. She wanted to know the "real" reason Jeff Hardy had to show up here when she was with the man that she loved. It surely wasn't because he had heard that she was here, there had to be more to it. And what exactly did he mean by Shawn filling him in on things?

"Good answer but I want the truth Jeff. You do remember what that is don't you?"

The rainbow haired man ran his fingers through his hair in what looked like an act of desperation. He knew she had every right to ask what he was doing there he just didn't want to answer it. If he admitted the real reason he was here then all hell would surely break loose. Especially after what he had just learned from Shawn.

"I came here for you Trish. You need all the support you can get right now."

Anger flooding her features but wanting to remain control for fear of getting herself kicked out of the hospital wing, she just walked to him, until she was dead center with his face and she just whispered her final threat.

"I don't know why you are really here and right now I don't care. What I need right now is for you to get the hell out of my life and forget you ever knew me. I moved on with my life Jeff, and it's a life that no longer has you or your problems in it. So just GO!"

She turned her back and walked away then, leaving both men standing in shock at the turn of events that had taken place. As she walked back to John's room, content to just rest in the broken down chair again until he awakened, she put all thoughts of Jeff out of her mind.

John didn't need this right now. He didn't need to know that Jeff had come back into her life and he most definitely didn't need to know how confused his return was making her.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Now I'm broken,  
And I'm faded,  
I'm half the man I thought I would be:  
But you can have what's left of me**

"Why are you all the way over there and not here in bed with me?" he said, making her almost jump out of her chair in fright. She had been resting, just her eyes closed and listening to the sounds of the machines and breathing around her.

Truth be told it had been the first time she had been able to rest peacefully since that night on the beach with John. Throughout the trial she had been worried so much about the sentence that she never really slept and then every night since he had been placed behind bars, she had been a wreck.

Being in any room with him, even if it was a hospital room had made her comfortable enough to sleep. She was happy to hear the breathing around her because then at least she knew he was safe and he was with her. It was all her heart and mind needed to finally be at rest.

She made her way back over to the bed and was amazed as John, who was still semi attached to the bed via the handcuffs shifted his body so she would have just enough room to rest on the hospital bed with him.

She snuggled as closely as she could to him, mindful of the painful parts of his body from the attack, so much so that even her breathing made her afraid she would hurt him. It wasn't until he spoke again that she realized it was all for nothing.

"I'm not going to break Wish, you can rest on me. If anything it will help me rest easier knowing I finally have you beside me."

He never ceased to amaze her with the words he spoke and the manner in which he spoke them to her. He was always so caring, thinking of what she might say or feel before she had the chance to feel it. He was as mindful of her heart as she was of his and it really made her feel loved. She had never had this attachment with anyone in her life before, and it was nice to have it now.

"How are you feeling now baby? Does it still hurt a lot? Do you need more pain medication?"

"No, I need my nurse to stop worrying about me and just to give me the tender loving care that I need right now. I want her to hush and just be happy that for this brief moment in time we can be together. Do you think she might be able to do that?"

She laughed lightly and snuggled deeper into him as he used his one free hand to wrap around her body and keep her close. In his mind there was nothing sweeter to him then this moment right now. He might be here because of a prison fight and it might have almost killed him but when he got around this woman, especially now that he knew they had a connection greater that any other and a child they shared growing inside of her, none of it mattered but the two of them.

"Did I hear talking outside of the room earlier?" he asked trying to keep her mind off of his injuries because he knew that was what she was doing in that moment. He could feel it in her heart.

"Yeah you did, Shawn was here, is here rather. He's keeping an eye on me. For some reason he said its the least he can do."

"Good man." he said, glad that at least in that moment when he couldn't be there for her that someone else close to the both of them could be. He knew he had done the right thing getting close to Shawn before the trial and it was proving to be very advantageous now. Trish needed someone there for her throughout the pregnancy when he couldn't be and there was no one better then Shawn Michaels. Of all the things he knew, he knew that to be true. "Was that the only person you were talking too?"

She was quick to stiffen then and he knew that there was someone here or at least was there before that she hadn't wanted there. Someone who stirred up all kinds of bad feelings within her and made her blood boil. The more he thought about it, there was only one person that came to mind and he didn't want to believe that of all the times to come back, he had chosen now.

"Trish tell me something, is Jeff Hardy back in your life?"

She moved from her lying position and sat up to look him in the eye and saw the love that was shining there. He wasn't mad about anything he was just curious and wanted to know. "Yes John, he's been back for about three weeks now. He came back to the house after our visit."

_Jeff Hardy was the person to console her after I threw her away?_ He thought. He wanted to be angry about that and angry that Jeff would choose now of all times to come back but deep inside he knew that the younger man hadn't known anything about them and probably still didn't.

"How do you feel about that?" he asked, holding his breath as he did and praying it was an answer he wanted to hear.

"How do I feel? I'm pissed off is what I am. I'm pregnant with your child, you are a million miles away from me and cannot help me the way I need to be helped and now my past is throwing itself in my face. He used to get so high that he would hurt me and not even know it John! I don't want him anywhere near me but I'll be damned if he doesn't get the hint."

He let out the breath he had been holding in and thanked the heavens that Jeff hadn't tried to take advantage of her yet. He only hoped that before he had to go back to prison again he could put a stop to it before the younger man did. There was no way he wanted him near Trish now, not when she was at her most vulnerable.

"Has he done anything to you Wish? Has he hurt you in any way?"

She took his hand into hers then and she stroked it gently, making his entire body almost stand on end. It had been so long since she had touched him this way, in a way that didn't express any worry or fear, just love that he wasn't used to the response his body was eliciting. But he welcomed it because he knew he might not have very long to enjoy it.

"He hasn't touched me and if I have my way he never will. John you have nothing to worry about. I can handle Jeff Hardy."

As she said the words and continued to stroke his hand, instead of completely believing her the way he knew he should be, he couldn't help the hurt that his heart still held onto to come boiling to the surface. With him out of the picture as he had been with Michelle all those months ago when she cheated with Randy and now him being in jail and away from his pregnant girlfriend, was it possible that it could happen all over again? Was it possible that when Trish said she could handle Jeff Hardy it was just her way of saying without actually saying the words that there was trouble on the horizon?

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**I've been dying inside,  
Little by little,**

Pushing the door open with her leg, trying to get it to remain in place long enough for her to get all of the bags through the walkway, she let out a huge sigh of relief as the door finally shut behind her and all of her items were now securely into the house.

She had gone shopping against her better judgment; eager to start shopping for the baby without even the slightest clue as to what the gender of it was going to be. After what felt like days but in reality was only a few short hours, she was content with what she had purchased.

_If only John could be here to see everything I bought. I just know it would make all of this seem more real to him then it does right now._

Hell it didn't even seem real to her when she really thought about it. She was only four months along in the pregnancy, still at the beginning and she hadn't even felt the baby move yet. But deep inside she knew this baby was going to be her reality soon enough and she didn't want to waste another moment without preparing for it.

She laughed to herself as she started pulling the outfits and other baby paraphernalia from the bags and taking yet another long look at it all. She had completely jumped the gun, she knew that but she just couldn't help herself.

Her digital camera was on the stand beside the telephone and she immediately programmed it to take pictures of the items she had spent a small fortune on. She wanted John to be able to see all the work she had done while he couldn't be there and be as much a part of the growing life inside of her as she herself was.

It was the least she could do.

He had been back in prison now for a month and she had been there every weekend to see him, catching him up on her doctors appointments and making sure he was a part of everything that was happening even though he really wasn't in the way that he had wanted too.

There was no denying the ache in her chest each and every time she thought about him back in that place. The dark reality that was his life for the next twenty or so years. She had come to terms with it just as he had but it didn't make the aching any easier to deal with. How many times had she dreamt in the last few weeks of waking up beside him and having him come to the doctors appointments with him only to wake up and realize that it would never happen.

Was she ever truly going to be able to deal with her life now? Could she be a successful mother all on her own or was she going to fail at it because the man she loved in John couldn't be there to help her along the way. Of course she had been around children before, both within the WWE and on her own with her family. But this was different. Doing this alone was going to be completely different. She couldn't give this child back at the end of the day when the going got too tough.

She wanted to believe in her strength of course. She wasn't a willowing flower. She could do just about anything on her own. But for this one thing, and for the rest of her life, she just didn't want to do this one alone. She wanted John there. She knew she most likely didn't "need" him there but the wanting was what drove her so strongly. She just wanted the man she loved to be a part of raising their child. Was that so wrong and so hard a request?

The knock at the door shook her from her thoughts and putting the camera back down on the table, she ran to answer it. She hadn't been expecting anyone to show up but it wasn't unlike people to show up without asking first so she found that it didn't bother her too much.

Not to mention with all of these thoughts floating through her mind she could really use the distraction.

She opened the door without a second thought to look out the peephole and when she did, all prepared to say hello to the person standing there, she opened the door to the one person she hadn't been expecting nor did she want to see.

_Does he ever give up? Was he this persistent when we dated all those years ago?_ She wondered inside her mind. She couldn't remember him being this persistent about anything other then his addictions back then but maybe thats why it bothered her so much now.

"Jeff."

"Can I come in?" he asked, not meeting her gaze.

She moved out of the way of the door and watched as he entered albeit tentatively. He looked around the house, his gaze falling on the mound of bags littered all over the floor and then back to her as a look of pure shock came across his face.

"I see you had a fun time shopping. Care to show me what you picked out for yourself."

Feeling suddenly overprotective of the purchases she had made, she blocked him from getting to them. There was no way in hell that he had any reason to want to see what she bought. They weren't even friends anymore. Which made her all the more curious as to why he was here again now. When she didn't want him to be.

"No you may not see what I bought. What do you want Jeff really? Why do you keep coming back for more punishment. You know I want nothing to do with you."

He nodded his head, still remaining silent as if in deep thought. Another thing he had been good at doing when they dated and obviously hadn't changed.

"I wanted to check on you."

"Why?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright is all. I know with John being in jail this must be a hard time for you. When i told you before that I cared about you and wanted to be your friend I wasn't lying to you."

She had thought a lot about that day when he had come back into her life and the last thing that had run through her head then had been that he wasn't being honest. For all of his faults he tended to be honest to a fault. Even when it did more damage then good.

"Well as you can see I'm fine so you can be on your merry way now. I won't call if I need anything." she said, urging him within her mind to go to the door and walk out the same way he had just came in. As she did though she tripped over one of the bags that had been near her feet and she felt herself falling. Until she felt the strong arms of safety around her and knew she wasn't going to hit the floor.

Before she had a chance to react she saw the bag that she had tripped over and noticed that all of the baby items had come flying out of it at the same time, and were now scattered all over her floor.

She looked up at Jeff then as he still held onto her tightly and saw that his eyes had indeed gone to the pile of clothing on the floor as well. It was when he looked down at her that she felt her heart stop in mid beat. The look on his face displayed a million emotions, all of which looked to be confusion and revulsion.

He seemed to finally click in to what was going on and why she had all of these items and had been hiding them from him. Because it was in his next words that all became clear and she knew there was no going back.

"You're pregnant."

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Authors Notes:** I am putting a warning in here for this chapter much the same as my very good friend just did with a recent chapter update of hers. There will be moments within this chapter that may be sensitive to others. Please if you are sensitive to anything in terms of what you will and will not read then take that into account before attempting this chapter.

* * *

**No where to go,  
But going out of my mind **

"_Give me the damn bottle Jeff!" She screamed at him, lunging for him but not catching him quickly enough before he dodged out the way of her grasp. _

_He had the bottle of pills securely within his grasp and he did not seem to want to give them up for anything this time. They had been here before of course. Moments like these seemed to be more frequent now then they had ever been in the past and only escalating more as time wore on._

_He was addicted. She saw that now. For months she had tried to push it away from her conscious mind. Not wanting to believe that her boyfriend, the man she swore to love for the rest of her life could be the addict that was now standing before her. People had told her to be wary of him, to watch what he was becoming but she had just blown them off as being overbearing windbags. _

_Standing here now though, fighting him with all her might to get the bottle away from him before he had then chance to down some more of the toxic chemical, she knew that they had all been right and that he did indeed have a serious malfunction. He was addicted to the pain medication and he was slowly turning into someone she didn't even recognize._

_Throwing her body weight into him then while he seemed to be distracted she managed to knock him off his feet, The bottle crashing to the floor and breaking open, pills seemingly flying everywhere. She tried to get to as many as she could but she suddenly felt like she was being dragged away and there was nothing she could do to stop it._

_The argument that had started this event hadn't been planned. It was not an intervention. She had not been trying to save him. Quite the opposite actually. She had gotten some good news and had come jubilant, wanting to tell him before the night wore on and she fell asleep. _

_But the pills had won out. She had seen him taking something when she had walked into the kitchen only minutes before and her heart dropped in her chest. It was the first time she had witnessed him taking the pills that would eventually be his downfall. _

_She tried to stand then and he pushed her back roughly, her head knocking onto the back end of the sofa, knocking her senses six ways from Sunday._

"_Jeff please just put the pills away for me." she cried, hoping with all her might that there was some little part of the man she loved still within him. She knew he wasn't that man right now but maybe that part of his heart that loved her still was._

"_Go to hell! I'm a grown man and I will do whatever the hell I want. Do you hear me Trish? You are not my fucking mother!" _

_She couldn't stand him yelling at her this way, not when the day had started out so wonderfully. They had gone through the normal relationship processes, spending most of the morning in each others arms whispering sweet nothings to each other. When she had left the house to go to her appointment, she assumed it would all resume when she got home. She had been dead wrong._

"_No you're right Jeff. I am not your mother because if your mother could see you now she would roll over in her grave."_

_He slapped her then, hard and fast across her face, and she felt the sting before she realized what had just happened. He was slowly losing it and now he had taken to attacking her. Jeff was indeed lost to her now and the person that was here was someone she never wanted to see again._

_As she tried to stand then, putting her hands onto the floor and using whatever strength she had left to push up to a standing position she had lost all focus on what Jeff was doing. She became increasingly aware of him within a few seconds as she felt the tremendously painful hit to her lower abdomen. _

_She cried out as she hit the floor in a heap of tears and pain. She wanted to scream at him, to tell him what he had done might have endangered more then her own life but she didn't have the energy. _

_He bent down to her then and got right into her face, pushing her hands away and making her look deep into the eyes she had spent years falling in love with, over and over again. Just why he was doing this was beyond her now, she just knew she had to get away before he went even further._

"_Don't you ever compare yourself to my mother, or even pretend to know anything about her. You aren't half the woman she is."_

_He shook her then, hard and rough, almost as if he wanted to shake the very life blood right out of her. What he was hoping to accomplish with this attack was beyond her. _

_She felt nauseated then, as if the whole world were spinning on its head. She knew if she didn't do something quick all hope would be lost. Suddenly she felt the gush flow from her body and looking down to where she felt it come from, she saw the blood seeping through her clothes._

_He had finally done it...he had killed the one thing he used to want more then anything in his life and he didn't seem to care one bit._

"_Jeff stop please! I'm bleeding..." her thoughts started running through her mind all focused on what was happening to her body because of the man she presumed to love. She needed to tell him now before this went any further. He needed to know that he wasn't just hurting her anymore._

"_Jeff please...I can't fight you anymore. I need to get to the hospital or I might lose our baby..."_

"Yes Jeff, I'm pregnant." she said, her voice cool and collected, not showing one bit of emotion for what she had lost all of those years ago with him.

She knew the past was supposed to be behind them now, but knowing that Jeff now knew that she was carrying John's child, it made her nervous to have him in her home the way he was. The last time they had been here this way she had lost the one thing that would have solidified their love forever. He had beaten the life out of their child.

"How far along?" he managed to choke out, the words coming in barely a whisper. Apparently with the look on his face, he was now remembering the same time period as she had been. He was now being faced with the actions that had caused the demise of their relationship.

"Four months now. The baby is due in February." was all she could manage.

He ran his fingers through his hair then, showing his obvious discomfort with the whole topic of conversation and also the vision that was sure to be occupying his mind, same as hers.

"I am so fucking sorry Trish. I never should have done what I did back then. The way I laid my hands on you, it was not what a man that loves someone is supposed to do. I am so sorry I never gave you the chance to tell me about the baby until it was too late."

He reached out to touch her then and before he had the chance to reach her she flinched and moved away. The past was still too raw for her to handle this much intimacy from him now. He was only trying to make amends for the hell he had created in their lives but she just couldn't bring herself to accept his tries.

"You need to go Jeff; this is not the time or the place for you to cleanse your soul. I can't go back and make it better for you."

He looked like he was about to make a move in her direction again but seemed to think better of it and instead turned and walked towards the door. Before he let himself out he threw another look back at the woman standing alone in the living room full of baby clothes.

Clothes that could have been for their child had he played his life the way he was meant too, before the pills had taken over.

"Tell John he's a lucky man. He got to give you the one thing that I took away."

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Authors Notes:** My prayers go out to the Benoit family. June 25, 2007.

* * *

**In endless circles,  
Running from my self until,  
You gave me a reason for standing still**

_I cannot believe I am about to do this. I must be losing my mind the further along this pregnancy goes. _She thought before she jogged to the door and put her hand onto Jeff's shoulder softly.

"Don't leave."

He looked at her, his eyes questioning every movement she now made. Hadn't she only minutes before just ordered him out? Just what was going on inside of her head now? He didn't have to wait too long to find out.

"If you really want to talk about the past then I suppose I owe you that much. For a long time we had a good relationship. With all the pain it was hard to remember those moments."

He nodded, not sure if he could trust his voice to speak. She was right and he knew it. He had ruined their relationship with his drug dependency and there was no way he could go back and make all of that disappear. The only thing he could hope for now was that she could listen to him, see in him the changes that had come too late for them and then maybe they could start to heal.

_Just not together. I cannot be the one that she comes too anymore. I threw that away and John now had it._

"You don't owe me a damn thing and you know it. If anything I owe this to you. I should have done this the minute I got clean but I didn't want to worry about a relapse. I didn't need it and neither did you."

She motioned for him to come back into the living room and join her on the sofa. When they were both comfortably seated, she turned to him.

"So how long have you been clean now Jeff?"

Without even batting an eyelash he answered. "One year. I know it's not a long time but for me its forever. It's one day at a time but I don't plan on going back."

She nodded, understanding just what he meant and glad that he had finally come to terms with his problem and was taking it on head first. She had never been addicted to anything in her lifetime, other then loneliness it seemed, but she knew what he meant when he said it was one day at a time. She really hoped that in his case it would be,

He interrupted her thoughts when he chose to speak again.

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby the minute you came home that night? Why did you have to go after the pills?"

That had been a question she had asked herself even though all the years had passed and one that an answer never came for. She had known she wanted to share the news with him but part of her wanted to make it special and when she saw him downing the pills right in front of her eyes, it seemed all rational thought went out the window. She should have protected the baby more and maybe she would have that child now. But she hadn't and there they sat.

"I wanted to save you. I always wanted to save you from yourself Jeff. I just wish that back then you would have let me."

His heart seemed to twist in his chest as she spoke and the reality sunk in. Of course that was what she had been trying to do all those years, she wanted to save him because unlike him, she had known how deeply she had loved him. Where as he had never been sure of anything, even love for her and himself at the time. He also wished it didn't have to end the way that it had, there was nothing worse then losing a child.

"What do you think we would have had if the baby had lived?" Jeff asked, his voice barely a whisper. He knew he might be pushing it but he was here and he was nothing if not a realist.

"I think it would have been a boy personally, but it's been a hard thing to think about. Even now it stings Jeff. So if you want to talk to me about something else that would be great."

He sat silent for a few moments, letting the magnitude of her statement take its desired affect and then began to speak again, knowing for the first time in his life exactly what he wanted to say.

"I wasn't the right person for you then Trish. I made a lot of mistakes, withdrew from everyone and everything that loved me at the time. I thought I was better then what I was and in the end if caused me to lose not only the only real love of my life, but my unborn child as well. I could have handled my life with you differently and for that I am always going to be sorry. For what it's worth, I did love you back then, it just wasn't more then the medication. I regret that I ever let you stay around when I knew deep inside I had an issue."

"Jeff what happened back then is in the past. I don't think you..." he cut her off then, causing her to look down to the floor and place her hands nervously into her lap. When he interrupted her at that moment the tone of his voice had been the same as the one all those years ago when they had fought. It was almost like reliving one of the worst moments in time.

"I do need too don't you see? I will never be able to move on with my life until I know I have made things right by you and by the baby we never had. I know this must hurt you, reliving what I did to you all those years, but Trish, its time for all of us to heal and forgive. Can you do that? Can you forgive me for what I did to us all those years ago?"

_Can I really sit here and tell him that I am completely over what happened between us?_ She asked herself, hoping that the answer would just call out to her and make this whole situation easier.

"I can forgive you Jeff but I think I forgave you the day that it happened. What I can never give you is the vow that I will forget about it. Every time I look at you all i see is that night, the night the baby died and you hurt me more then ever before. I see the man you had become then and not the man you were destined to be. I'm sorry but I just can't go back and forget it all."

He stood from the sofa, content that he had come here and said everything that needed to be said. He caught the look on her face, the tears that were now welling up and threatening to fall. He wanted to reach out and wipe them away, tell her that she needn't cry for him any more, but he knew if he did that then it might just make things even worse and tense then they already were.

He walked slowly, methodically to the door again, this time content that he would walk out and never return. What he didn't expect was that she would be up on her feet as well and following him out, most likely to lock the door behind him. Something she had always done when they had been together here in the house.

He turned around, watching her now tear stained cheeks and he did the only thing that his heart would let him do. He bent down to her level then and he placed his lips onto hers softly. All sense of reality told him that it was wrong, that this was only to make things worse between them but he just couldn't stop himself any more. He loved this woman with all of his heart and he needed to know that somewhere deep inside she still felt the same about him.

Pregnancy and John be damned.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Cause I want you,  
And I feel you,  
Crawling underneath my skin**

The phone started to ring then, breaking Trish away from Jeff immediately as they both looked at the red light flashing as another ring rang through the living room. She looked back at Jeff before making her way to the phone, straightening out her clothing as she did. She was happy that no one was here to witness the mess she had surely become.

_What was I thinking letting him kiss me that way? The man has done nothing but hurt me. I'm with John now and I'm having his baby!_

She tried to push all of the questions and debate out of her mind and concentrate of the ringing phone before her. As she picked up the receiver, not knowing who could be on the other end, she released a breath as she heard the voice of one of her close friends.

"Trish you need to come down to the prison now. Something is going on here and I think John would want you here for it."

"Is he hurt again?" she asked him, holding her breath steadily until her friend spoke again.

"No, it's nothing like that. Look i don't want to explain it over the phone, so do you think you can get down here? I wouldn't ask to come if it wasn't really important. I think you are going to want to be here for this."

She told him she would be there as soon as possible and hung up the phone, looking back at the man she had just been kissing. It was like a sign that the call had been about John because it had opened her mind to the past again and made her remember just how happy with John she was. She didn't want to break that bond for anything. Not even for the love of her ever changing ex boyfriend.

"Jeff, that was Shawn. Something is going on at the prison and I need to get down there." She didn't bother to offer any apologies as she knew that any that she said she would not mean. The kiss between the two of them was just that, a kiss that two long ago lovers shared. A final goodbye really. The goodbye she had never had the chance to really say before now.

The look on Jeff's face showed that he understood what had happened would never happen again and that her heart lay with John, who she needed to go and be with right now. If he had been hurt by what hadn't been said but thought then he wasn't showing it.

Her final thought as they both left the house, each going in opposite directions was simple. Jeff had in his own way just finally let her go. Which meant that he really had changed. Something she was happy about. Not because they could get back together, but because they could now move on and not hold any baggage.

She was finally utterly and completely over Jeff Hardy.

* * *

She entered the room, the same kind of room she had been in the last time she had visited John and as she looked around the room she realized there were two people there that she didn't quite recognize.

"What's going on?" She asked, giving Shawn a quick hug before making her way over to where the man she loved sat. His expression showed that he was worn out, he hadn't been sleeping, his eyes looked like a raccoon's. All she wanted to do right in that moment was take the man home and take care of him properly. It was obvious that he wasn't fairing well in here.

_Just thank the lord that he hasn't been in any more fights._ She thought to herself as she wrapped her arms around the man she loved and turned to face the men that were invading their alone time.

Just what the hell was going on here and why were these two men here?

She didn't have much time to ponder it before one of the two men decided the time to talk had come. He introduced himself, the name meaning nothing to Trish. She kept studying both men trying to figure out what their game plan really was. Was John in more trouble then before or was this good news?

"We have news regarding your case Mr. Cena and we think the time has come to let you know that is. Since you do not have counsel, and have only requested to have these two individuals here with you right now, I think we can discuss what new information that we have."

"New information?" Shawn asked, before Trish could interject with the same question.

"About the night of the accident. It seems new information has come to light regarding Mr .a's role in the accident."

"Can you stop talking in riddles and just tell us what the hell that means?" She snapped, wanting to find out the truth before the anticipation drove her crazy. Didn't these guys know never to keep a pregnant woman waiting?

"It has come to light that while Mr. Cena should not have been behind the wheel of said vehicle on the night in question he did not cause the accident that resulted in the two deaths of the victims."

_That was good right?_ She asked herself, not getting an answer but hoping that this was indeed good news. If John hadn't caused the accident then the verdict would have to be overturned and he would get released. That had to be the next step right?

"Excuse me but what does this mean?" John asked, keeping his voice controlled and calm. He wanted to shout from the rooftops at these men right now but knew that he needed to keep his wits about him or he might find himself in even more trouble then being in prison.

The second man opened his mouth to talk but before he had the chance to say another word, Trish stood to her feet and answered for him. "It means John that you didn't cause the accident which means you are going to have your verdict overturned."

"Not completely Ms. Stratus."

"What do you mean not completely? No judge in their right mind knowing that he didn't cause the accident would keep him here against his will!"

She was upset and she knew it but this was good news and the two men were trying to downplay it and make it seem like there was still more hardships to come. Why couldn't they just admit she was right about this?

"He was still driving under the influence and that is a serious offense. It also hasn't been John's first offense here in Canada for the same issue. He has been caught drinking here before. We cannot turn our backs on this. So while you might be right about his verdict getting overturned in terms of the deaths of the passengers of the other car, he will not get overturned for the DUI offense."

She felt the lump dive deeper into her stomach. She felt like she was going to be sick and it was not going to come out pretty. A DUI couldn't possibly be that much longer in jail right? At the least they had to move him into minimum security prison?

"How much longer do I need to stay in here?" John choked out, stunned by what was taking place now and how much better everything seemed to be looking with this new piece of news. He had never denied fault in this accident and someplace, somewhere someone was repaying him for that by saying that it would be overturned and he eventually would be a free man.

"Six months. Which would make your release somewhere near the beginning of February. I know this doesn't look like much because you still have to spend time here, but it is a real gift that we found the evidence at all."

Trish spoke up then, watching John's face change and feeling what he felt right there along with him. "What evidence?"

"There was another car on the road that night. The car was in front of John and caused the actual accident. Now John's blood alcohol made it easy to convict but he was not the person that caused the accident with the other car. He indeed hit a car but it was the car in front of him."

"How did you find all of this out? Why now, almost five months later?" Shawn asked, trying to get all the questions that were sure to be running through John's mind out in the open.

"The driver of the car came forward last night. We had to check out everything before we could come here and give you the news. It is legitimate. The driver of the car that killed those people is now being arrested as we speak."

There was only one thing that seemed to bother John throughout this entire thing. Just who was the man that had let him spend all those months in prison and away from the woman he loved. Just what kind of person would be so sick to do something like this?

"Who was it? Who caused the accident if it wasn't me?" John asked.

As the man answered he almost lost all sense of time and space. He knew the person that caused the accident and had run away from the scene. All these months letting him be charged and sent to prison, letting him almost die in here. His only thought now wasn't why it happened, because he now had the answer to that without anyone telling him anything other then the mans name. What needed to know now was what he was going to do the man when he finally got him alone.

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Like a hunger,  
Like a burning,  
To find a place I've never been**

"John talk to me please. Tell me whats going through your mind right now." Trish begged of him as he continued to pace back and forth in the prison room that now suddenly felt like a cell.

The two detectives had long since left the scene, Shawn leaving with them. He knew Trish had brought her own vehicle with her so he didn't stick around to give her a ride home. She was alone with him now but with the look on his face, she was sure he wanted to be anywhere but where they were right now. After learning who had really caused the accident and had walked away with so much as a scratch, it made her heart break.

All this time they could have been together, celebrating the love they had found with one another and all because of one stupid mistake it had cost them all of that and then some. She wanted to be more then just another person in the room with him now and she knew she might never be. He seemed to be slipping away from her again.

"I just can't believe any of this Trish. I mean how did he get here and how did he know I would be in that exact spot? How could he have caused an accident and then just walked away from it?"

She shook her head, unsure of the answers to any of his questions. She had the same ones herself, but was trying her hardest not to let it show. This had to be a horrible thing for John to deal with, right after the fight he had been in had almost killed him.

"What are you going to do now? Trish asked quietly, not wanting to put any more strain on him then was already there.

"There is nothing I can do. You heard the detectives. They are going to take this to the grand jury and then to the judge and get the main charges reversed. But I still drove drunk and that means I still won't be out in time to see our child born. I still have to live in this hell hole all because I couldn't control myself. It doesn't change anything but yet it changes everything."

She listened supportively, noting in her mind that he hadn't made any mention of the person who had caused most of this pain to begin with. In all her study of the case when the trial had been running she had never once suspected there had been another car involved and that the person John had a great deal of respect for had been behind the wheel. Well in fact, he used to have respect for the man. Hell so had she.

"We can do this John. You might miss the birth but there are ways around that and you know it. Shawn said he would be there and he would tape as much of it as he could and then it would be almost as good as being there. You won't miss any time with our child."

He didn't seem to agree with her on that count and it bothered her more then she cared to admit. She wanted him to be happy that he would be getting out sooner then they had both thought but he just couldn't seem to be. She wasn't sure if it was because he was bothered by the person who had come forward about the accident too late, or if it had something more too it. Maybe he wasn't entirely happy to be coming home to her.

"Wish don't think things like that alright. Of course I want to come home to you and our baby. I am happy about being able to be with the two of you sooner then I imagined. It's just--" he cut off then as Trish looked at him, trying to find some signs of explanation in his eyes.

"Just what?"

"I'm afraid that I won't measure up when I do get out. I don't know what being in here has done to me and who I might become."

She wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could and breathed in deeply. She understood what he was getting at but she wanted to let him be the one to say it. "Why are you worried about that now?"

Did he dare tell her why he was thinking these things? Did he try and explain that while he trusted her more then life itself, he did not trust the man who had first held her heart and still might?

"John please, tell me what has got you thinking about this."

"Jeff." he murmured more under his breath then out loud.

She didn't want to believe it but she was sure that he had just said Jeff. He was worried about how he was going to be when he got out of here and the cause of that worry was Jeff coming back into their lives.

How was she going to tell him about the kiss if he was feeling this way? There was just no way that knowing what they both did now that she could tell him this. It would literally rip him apart and he might never come back from it.

"You don't need to worry about Jeff. He won't ever become a part of our lives ever again. Thats a promise."

As she heard herself promise the man that she loved that her ex was long gone from their lives now, she felt an uneasy feeling in her stomach. What happened if what she had just told him was a lie? Would she ever be able to forgive herself if it was?

* * *


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Now I'm broken,  
And I'm faded,  
I'm half the man I thought I would be:**

_Why isn't she talking to me? Is there something wrong with the baby and she is just too afraid to tell me? What if I didn't take care of myself properly?_ She thought to herself as she lay back on the hospital bed like gurney, waiting for just some small word from the ultrasound technician.

Surely if there was something wrong she would have known it by now right? Her body would have told her and all of this could really be avoided. But the longer she lay on the bed, awaiting the words from the technician, she found herself wondering if there were no signs sometimes and that this just might be payback for what happened all those weeks ago.

It had been two months since the kiss her and Jeff had shared and true to her word, there had been no more contact between the two. Not even the phone calls that Jeff had taken to giving her had stopped. She knew that she was right when she promised John that Jeff would not come into their life together when he got out in four months, but it still didn't mean she didn't feel guilty.

_Maybe the baby senses my guilt and something had has happened because of it. Maybe this baby and John and I just weren't meant to be._

She didn't want to think this way, all she wanted to do was take a deep breath and hope for the best but when she was in the position she was now, hiding something from the man she loved, she knew that would never be possible. She had gone against everything her heart had believed in when she had allowed that kiss between her and Jeff and she was sure if John knew, he would never forgive her.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, her voice showing the signs of strain as she spoke.

"Everything is more then okay Ms. Stratus. I am sorry for the quietness but I tend to get lost in this when I do it. There is nothing wrong at all. In fact there is something I think you need to be made aware of."

She raised her eyebrows, wondering just what this lady was getting at. What could there possibly be to know about this pregnancy other then that it was fine and the baby was coming alone nicely?

"What is it? What are you not saying?"

"Well Ms. Stratus, I am afraid I need to inform you that you aren't just having the one baby. You are pregnant with twins."

The tech smiled at her while the news sunk into her system. Was that even possible? Was she really having twins with John? Could this just be a very descriptive dream and she was about to wake up from it at any time?

"I'm having twins." she stated, not as a question but as a tool to let the idea sink in her subconscious. She had known always that any pregnancy she could have would be twins, but at now almost seven months along, it was a little hard to accept.

Trish had waited for the ultrasound as she had wanted to find out the sex of the baby at the last possible moment. She never had any worry of anything being wrong so there really was no point to have to pay for something more times then she needed too. Truth be told she wanted John to be there with her when she had the ultrasound but with the news he wouldn't be able to be there, she had gone ahead and done it now. Now she was going to have two babies?

"Are they identical?"

"No they are not identical. Why I can't be completely certain of that without you getting an amnio done, I am placing bets that they aren't identical because one is a boy and one is a girl. At least from what i have been able to surmise on the screen here."

She turned the screen towards Trish then, and finally she was able to let out a huge sigh of relief. There on the screen were not one, but two small babies, growing each and every moment. She had such a well of emotion growing inside of her she wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or to cry. This really couldn't be turning out any better if she tried.

First John getting released in a six month period, which was now almost half over and then this news of a multiple birth. She wanted him there with her right now and it pained her that he wasn't but she knew deep down the minute she told him this news and showed him the ultrasound pictures, it would all but make up for it.

After getting herself cleaned off, she headed out the door of the clinic with the pictures of their babies stuck to the inside of her purse. She knew where she had to be now and she was not going to waste any more time getting there. She had to tell John the good news, no matter what the fallout. He needed to know he was going to be a father twice over.

* * *

Before she could step into her car, the cell phone on the seat started to ring, singing the familiar Bon Jovi song she had fallen in love with. It was John, from the prison, just as the long song indicated and she felt her heart warm at the sight of the name on her phone.

He regularly got time to call now that he had less time left on his sentence and he was now being held in a minimum security lock up and she always felt light headed each and every time he called. She wished she could blame it on the baby, or babies now, but she knew it was all John and the affect that he had taken on her life.

"Hey baby, who do I owe for this call?" she said answering the phone, a smile playing on her lips. Both because of the news she had just received and the news she was about to tell him.

"The paternity results are back on Michelle's baby. Wish I don't want to read then unless you are here with me. I don't think I can do this alone. Can you come?"

"Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can." She hung up the call and took a deep breath as she squeezed herself in behind the wheel of the car. Sure she had gained a lot of weight in the last two months but she didn't care. John told her it made her look ravishing in a way she had never been before. That warmed her heart even though the news she was about to get surely would make that warmth turn cold.

What was the result going to say? Was it going to tell them what they had assumed for months now and that the baby was really his? Or would it give them the best news ever and have it turn out to be Randy's?

Trish knew that whatever way this turned out, life for Michelle was about to get a whole hell of a lot worse before it got better.

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**But you can have what's left of me **

She ran into the room quickly throwing her arms around the man she loved, letting him know through her touch that she was here for him now and that they would deal with whatever the results showed. Trish knew deep down that this was always a possibility but part of her heart had just been hoping that their babies would be the only ones John would have. Would she love Michelle's baby if it was John's? She knew she would, but she couldn't stop her heart from wishing it was Randy's.

"Is it wrong to be scared right now?" John asked as he pulled away from the long embrace. He knew that any man would feel this way in this circumstance, but for him it just felt scary. John wasn't a man that was afraid of much but standing here now with Trish by his side, he was never so afraid of a piece of paper in his life.

Did he want to be a father to Michelle's child?

_Yes._

He would do whatever needed to be done if these results showed he was the father of this child. He knew he would love it, no matter who it's mother was and that love would never weaken. Trish had been the person to finally show him what real love meant and with her by his side, he knew he could tackle anything.

"It's not wrong to be scared John. I'm scared too, for so many reasons that are hard to explain. But just know that whatever the results show, I will support you one hundred percent."

She squeezed his hand tightly within her own, letting him know silently that she meant every word of it. She would stand with her man no matter what their life held. Because that is what two people in love did for each other. Even when one of them sometimes faltered in their belief in love the way they had both done since they got together.

She watched as John slipped his hand into the long brown envelope, and slowly extracted the piece of paper that held his future. He knew there was no reason to think that dramatically but truth be told he was praying this baby wasn't his. He knew the baby wouldn't be better off with Randy but it beat having a daily reminder of the mistakes of his past around on a constant basis.

_Just remember this is not the child's fault. The mother is another story._

He knew he was right. The voice in his head was right that this outcome was not the babies fault but more the fault of the adults that would most likely be in its life.

"What does it say John? Is Michelle's baby yours or not?"Trish asked, bringing him away from his fears and back to the job at hand. He looked down at the paper and after reading past all of the statistics and medical jargon, he saw the line that he needed and read it, taking in each and every word as he did. With baited breath he looked up from the paper and over beside him as his very pregnant girlfriend was standing just as rigidly as he in that moment. He opened his mouth to speak but before he got a chance to saw the results of the test, the room door opened, a guard and Shawn coming in. Serious looks on their faces.

"What's going on?" John said, nodding his head in Shawn's direction as way of a hello. Shawn did the same and then looked at Trish.

"Wait. Did we interrupt something important here?" Shawn asked, not bothering to admit to why they were there before finding out what he had just walked in on. The looks on both of their faces told him that it was something big and that it had to do with the paternity of the baby Michelle McCool was having.

"Nothing that can't wait another few minutes. What is going on and why is the guard here?"

Shawn looked down at the ground, collecting his thoughts before starting to speak. How he said this had to be worded just right otherwise it might cause even more pain then it was likely too.

"They went to arrest the driver and he had skipped out John. I'm afraid right now that he's listed as missing and most likely on the run. I know you don't want or need to hear this right now but I thought you deserved to know."

The knot in John's stomach just got deeper and deeper with what Shawn had said. First the results of the test and now this? Lives were being affected in more then one way and it was all going to end painfully for all involved. Even them in that moment.

"It's not my baby, it's Randy's." he slipped out, watching all the eyes in the room go back to him and the bombshell he had chosen to drop on them now. Trish threw her arms around him tightly and held him as close as possible to her body, happiness written all over her face.

John wanted to be happy in that moment as well, finding out that he no longer needed to have Michelle in his life or the issues she had thrown into motion, but he just couldn't bring himself to be happy about it. He was getting out of prison in six months, he wasn't having a baby with his ex girlfriend after all, but there was still two pieces in the puzzle that were threatening to come to the surface.

What was Michell going to do now that he was proven not to be the father. Could Randy really be the father that this baby needed? But that wasn't the only thing crossing his mind in that moment. He also wondered why Trish was standing there, faking happiness when she was holding things back from him. Things he knew that she wasn't aware that he did.

"Can you give me a minute alone with Trish please?" he asked Shawn quietly, hoping that they would all leave the room. He had lied to her when he had called earlier. He wanted her there for more then just the results of the paternity tests. He wanted her there with him so that she would finally admit what Jeff had told him only two days earlier, guilt ridden and full of regret. But she hadn't done it. He had to wonder why. What was she hiding from him?

When the men left the room the door slamming behind them as the only sound in the room he turned to Trish and motioned for her to sit down.

"So the baby isn't yours. I think along with the news I got today this might be the best day we've had in a long time." She stated more at him then too him.

What could she possibly have found out today that would make this day any better? Was she talking about Jeff or was there something with the baby they were having? He didn't want to admit it but it was eating him alive that Jeff had been the one to tell him this. He loved her and he knew deep down that she loved him too. She knew how keeping secrets had destroyed his life once before so why was she doing it now?

"What did you find out today?" John asked, his eyebrows raising and his heart almost pounding with fear.

"I went for the ultrasound to determine the health of the baby and to find out the gender. I put off having it for two months because I wasn't worried at all about the pregnancy. As it turns out the reason why I have been so tired lately and sick is because it's not just one baby we're having."

"What are you talking about?" John said, not at all following her.

"We're having twins John. It was confirmed for sure this morning. A boy and a girl! Isn't that great?" she said jumping from her seat and allowing herself to be caught in his arms as the news started to sink in.

_They were having twins? Just how in the hell had that happened? _

He wanted to be happy about this turn of events but Jeff's visit kept creeping into his mind, so much so that it was blocking all emotion that he had welled up inside him. When he finally couldn't take it anymore he pushed Trish away from him and looked her dead in the eyes.

"When were you going to tell me that you and Jeff kissed at the house?" he said, his eyes full of hurt and anger and mostly, mistrust. She had hidden something so serious from him and he was heartbroken by it. So heartbroken that the idea of his having twins barely left a mark on him.

When she turned away from him then, he knew he had hit his mark. Jeff had been telling him the truth and now it was time to find out why it had to come from the man John despised and not from the woman he loved more then life itself.

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**It's falling faster,  
Barely breathing,**

"When were you going to tell me Trish? Before you had the babies or afterwards when we were married?" his tone was angry and he knew it wasn't a good idea to be getting this upset while still behind bars and also with having her pregnant with twins. If there had been worries about the baby they were having, there was more so now with more then one on the way.

He tapped his foot on the floor, something he had never done before and the minute he noticed it he stopped and chose instead to pace around the room until she gave him an answer. It was his right after all to want to know just what the hell his girlfriend was doing messing around with an ex that had spent time beating her.

He was more hurt then ever by the fact that it had not been Trish that had come to him and told him what had happened, asking him to forgive and forget. No it had been Jeff Hardy, the other man in the picture, one that obviously Trish could not forget. Well if thats the way she wanted it then he was more then happy to oblige.

_Hear her out before you jump to conclusions._

Sure that was easy for his mind to say when it wasn't his mind that was hurting. It was his heart. How many times was this going to happen to him before he learned? First Michelle and now Trish? Was it possible that he was destined to keep finding women that would cheat and hide things from him?

"It's not what you think John. You have to believe me on that."

He turned, stopping the pace in mid stride and looked at her as she stood from table and made her way to the other side of the room away from him. How could it not be what he thought? How did she know at all what he thought. She was not in his mind right now so she didn't have a clue.

"Then tell me what it was then. Because from where I sit, while I have been rotting out in this hell hole, you are out there kissing your ex and god knows what else. So tell me what I don't understand. Please, I dare you."

The tears were building in the corner of her eyes but she was not going to give him the satisfaction right now of seeing her cry. She had spent too much time in the past year crying over him, over the past and over the future that was non existent. There was no way with him sitting here now accusing her of something more then what had really happened that she was going to let him see one bit of emotion. She had to detach herself from this room and from him right now so that she could get all of this out. She had to make him see that what he thought was wrong.

"Yes Jeff and I, we kissed. He kissed me first and I didn't pull away. That's the truth of the matter. It was one time and the only reason it happened at all was because the subject of the past was brought up and the baby we had lost, or rather I lost because he beat me up came up."

_There had been another baby? Trish had been pregnant before?_

"You were pregnant with Jeff's baby?" he managed to get out, still taken aback by the fact that she had kept something so huge like this from him as well. The kiss still bothered him and he didn't know what he was going to do about it right now, but this secret was even bigger and something he didn't understand at all. He had been nothing but honest with her while he had the chance and he was finding out now that she hadn't told him anything. Just what he had wanted to hear.

"Yes. It was over three years ago. I had just found out about it and came home to tell Jeff. He was popping pills when I came in and well a fight ensued with him kicking the living hell out of me. I knew it wasn't Jeff doing it, but the pills that he had taken but it still didn't make the end result any different. We lost the baby that night, before we ever had a chance to really know what it felt like to be pregnant."

"Why didn't you tell me before Trish? Why hide all of this the way you have been? Were you hoping that I would just not care about something as important as that? Jeff beat you for God sakes, I knew deep down he had but I didn't know it had been this bad."

From the other side of the room she knelt over the table, the pain of the fake contractions taking hold of her and making her weak in the knees. She wanted to stop this conversation and just make things right again and from there go home and rest but she knew that was next to impossible. One mistake was about to cost her everything.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to think about it anymore. I hadn't really sat down and cried about it, talked about it, thought about it in years. I thought it was better off buried in the past. I didn't expect Jeff to come back and make a play to get back into my heart. That is what all of this is about isn't it? You think that Jeff and I have been fooling around behind your back and you couldn't be more wrong. I have forgiven him for the past but I have no forgotten what he put me through, whether it was the pain pills or not. The kiss was a means to an end. A way to say goodbye once and for all."

"Goodbye to who Trish? To him or to me? Because with the way I feel right now the goodbye might as well have been meant for me. In fact if you don't mind, I think I have had enough bombshells for one day and I think it best if you just left."

"John don't you dare do this. You promised me that you would never pull away from me this way again remember? If you are angry then thats fine but don't you dare shut me out of your life again. I know you love me as I love you, you do not want to do this."

All the pleading in the world from her right now would make no difference. He knew she was right. He had promised her that he would never push her away again the way he had when he had found out about Michelle, and the night at the AA meeting so long ago. But this was different and she had to know that. She had kissed another man, the one thing that John just couldn't get over and forget. Then she had hidden it from him and let him find out from the horses mouth. Jeff had been the one to bear all and while what she had said confirmed what Jeff had said, it made no difference in his heart right now.

She had betrayed him and that was something he just could not forget.

"I don't care what I said before Trish. I meant it then but right now I can't bear to look at your face because all I see in it is the lies and the pain that hearing about this from Jeff fucking Hardy has caused me. I need you to get out of here and just don't come back. When I think the time is right to talk about this I will come to you but until then I think its best for all of us if you got the hell away from me."

She did not want to listen to him but at the same time she did not want to push him any further then she had already done. He was hurt and in pain and all she could do now was hope to God that he would come back to her and their babies and they could move on with their lives the way God intended them too. She just couldn't live her life, or live with herself if he didn't. The thought of being alone without him because of what she had done was just too much to bear.

"I'll go but please John, before you make any rash decisions, please remember that I have and will always love you. It won't change because you push me away or because you need to be alone. The love will never die."

She touched his arm gently as she passed by him, pulling away quickly and retreating through the door. IF what he needed was time then she was going to give it to him but she did not like it. Not for one damn minute.

_Damn you Jeff Hardy._

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Authors Notes:** I am taking another break in the regular music of this story and adding in another song that fits where I am taking this chapter. The song is Whiskey Lullaby and the version I am using is by Rex Goudie featuring Melissa O'Neil.

* * *

**Two Months Later**

He entered the door to his apartment, same he had done so many times before. This time he was nervous though because the last time he had been here, it had been when he walked in on his girlfriend fellating his best friend. As he silently walked the halls now, he was aware that deep down inside he was looking for the same noises he had heard that day.

It was supposed to feel different, him being a virtual free man having done the entire six months in prison and now being on the outside. But it didn't and he knew why.

_Because in about two weeks you are going to become a father and you are in a different part of the world from her right now._

He couldn't bear to even think her name out loud, let alone say it. He had not spoken to her since the day that he had thrown her out of the prison, letting her walk out and most likely into the arms of the man that awaited her. Jeff Hardy.

Was it a mistake on his part the way things had gone down? Yeah probably, but at the end of the day she had kept something as big as kissing Jeff from him and he knew deep down that after what Michelle had done and put him through, there would be no way that it could ever happen again.

_Admit it, you miss her and wish you could be In Toronto with her now._

His mind of course was right on target. She was due any day now really, despite what the due date told them and he didn't want her to be alone when the time came. He wanted to be the one there with her, walking her through each and every step like he even had the slightest clue as to what he was doing. But he couldn't be there because it had been him that had pushed her away and she had for once listened.

He wished she had pushed him the way she used too, made him keep her around. He wished that she had enough strength in her to fight for what he believed they had together. He had been wrong in assuming that obviously because she hadn't even reached out through a phone call or letter. As far as she was concerned, he might as well have died in that prison.

**She put him out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette.  
She broke his heart. He spent his whole life trying to forget.  
We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time,  
But he never could get drunk enough you get her off his mind,  
Until the night**

God how he wanted to shut the world away from him and drown himself in the sweet warm taste of alcohol. He had promised himself not so long ago that he would never drink again but at that time he thought he was set for life. Finally finding the woman he wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with. It only helped the cause that she was having his children.

Children. More then one, twins. His.

He looked at the phone, cradled in the base but yet loudly screaming out to be used. How easy would it be to pick up the phone and just let his fingers do the walking until he had her on the phone, in his ear, his heart? How he wanted so much to be able to cave in right now and find out how she was and if she needed him as much as deep down he needed her. He wanted to punish her, that much was obvious but hadn't she been punished enough? It had been two months now, time enough for her to move on if she had wanted too, or time enough to at least rid her heart of the ache she surely felt.

She hadn't meant to kiss Jeff. That was what she had said. That it had been a goodbye for the two of them, to a past that was better left in the past. But why was it more to him? They had a connection, having been pregnant together before the terrible loss and while he had that same connection with her, theirs ran just a little too close to home.

If there was ever a man that could take her away from him, it was Jeff and deep down as much as he knew it, he was sure that she did as well. He was a threat to their love, no matter how strong it seemed at the time and he would forever be that.

_Why did she hide it all from me? Did she really think she was doing me good by doing so?_

With the urges inside of him now, the dark place he was heading for full steam ahead, he knew that what she had believed had indeed been accurate. She had been trying so hard to prevent this moment from even taking place and in doing so had created the moment. He was here, alone in his empty apartment because she had tried so hard to keep the darkness away from him while was rotting in prison.

But was it all her fault? Did he not hold some of the blame here? If he had not been driving someone else's car that night in Toronto he never would have been near the accident at all and would never have done to prison, at least not long enough to mention. But he had taken someones car and driven it drunk and Jeff had come back into her life and had made her confront the past with no one around to protect her from it.

**He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger.  
And finally drank away her memory.  
Life is short, but this time it was bigger,  
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.  
We found him with his face down in the pillow,  
With a note that said: "I'll love her till I die."  
And when we buried him beneath the willow,  
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby **

It was his fault and there was no longer any way to deny it. He knew he had to do something about it but deep down he was scared that it was too late to do much of anything. He had let her walk away from him without so much as a goodbye kiss and now two months later it was too late to come back and beg her forgiveness.

He bent down to the cabinet and pulled out the bottle. The one that he knew by name and taste. The one that now felt like a warm pistol in his hands, just waiting to be fired. He needed this so bad, to dull the aching in his heart, to push the woman that invaded his dreams away from him and to protect his own broken heart.

He unscrewed the cap and tossed it on the coffee table that lingered there, the remnants of his relationship with the ever volatile Michelle McCool, and he had to turn away from it. The memory of what his heart had been through was just too much to bear. He wanted to run from the room, run from the entire apartment but he knew that deep down he had nowhere else to go.

Burning bridges is something that never got old no matter how many times you did it and now as he sat alone, letting the lukewarm liquid coat his lungs on the way down he knew that there was no way it would ever change. He had pushed his family away after the accident just as they had done to him and then Michelle. But most of all, the one that hurt the most and would forever leave a bad taste in his mouth was Trish, with her angelic face, really living up to the nickname of Wish. He had done wrong by her throughout the entire time they had known each other and there was no way to ever make that back.

He really had burned his bridges with her. He only wished that whatever she was feeling right now did not compare to what he was going through now. He really hoped she had moved on.

With one more swallow of the brown liquid he threw himself back onto the sofa and stared at the ceiling, visions of a very pregnant Trish dancing through his mind. The way she glowed with the light of new life within her and love for him.

The more he drank the darker his heart became and without realizing it he closed his eyes and began to let the drink take over his soul.

**The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself.  
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath.  
She finally drank her pain away, a little at a time,  
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,  
Until the night.**

* * *

"_Are you going to the prison today when he's released?" Shawn asked her, taking her hand into his as they sat on her sofa together, rehashing again just what the hell she had been thinking kissing Jeff. _

"_He wouldn't want me there Shawn. He told me that the last time we spoke. What I did with Jeff was something that I knew deep down was unforgivable, no matter how it was between Jeff and I. I made a huge mistake and there is really no way to fix it."_

"_If you go there you can fix it Trish. He doesn't want this, he just is reeling with a broken heart."_

_She stood from the sofa then, letting Shawn's warm hand fall down to the cushion she had just vacated. "What do you expect me to do here Shawn? If the man will not let me anywhere near him and told me in no uncertain terms that he does not want me or his babies around him, what do I do?"_

_She was at her wits end. Mostly because her heart wanted to run to him and to tell him, show him that it was always with him and Jeff had never had it. But that wouldn't be the total truth. A time all those years ago Jeff had been her heart and she had lived for him but since John had entered her life, showed her what real love was, there was no doubt in her mind that what Jeff and her had once had was long gone. The kiss really had been a goodbye whether John saw it that way or not. _

"_You can fight! Damn Trish I have known you for years and you have never once backed down from a challenge. John Cena is your challenge right now and if anything I say matters to you I say that you fly to Boston if not going to the prison and you make him see that."_

Shawn's words from earlier that day still stung in her subconscious and she couldn't shake them. He was right, she was never one to give up on something when it seemed to hard. She had never done that in her career and she had never planned on doing it in her love life either.

He had long since been released from the prison and had gone directly back home to Boston, the place where she knew he felt the most at peace and at rest. What could she possibly do now anyway? He was a million miles away?

_You can fly there and tell him that you made a mistake and that you love him._

"No damn you I can't do that." She shouted out loud to the empty sounding voices in her head. She knew how crazy it must look to see herself screaming at nothing but she no longer cared how she looked. She was just going through the motions anyway.

She went to doctors appointments, making sure the two babies had the healthiest beginning they could ever have, no matter if their father was a part of it or not. From there she shopped for the baby furniture and put it all together herself, realizing with clarity that this was how it was destined to happen for the rest of their lives. Everything she had to do she was going to have to do alone. And remain strong while doing it.

_Why John? Why did you have to push me away right when I thought we could survive anything? We had almost gotten through the sentence and you would have come home here to me, with me. Why now?_

The answer to that was clear of course. He had done it because his heart had been killed. Had been broken and would never be repaired again. She had done that to him and for that she blamed herself more then anyone would ever known. She had never thought herself to be mean and uncaring, but in this instance, there was nothing else she had been.

Should she have told him from the start about Jeff, their past and the baby that never was? Would it really have made a difference? She wasn't sure but she knew deep down that by not telling John about the kiss she had put the final nail in both of their coffins. She had killed a love that was stronger then any wrestling persona could ever be.

**She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger.  
And finally drank away his memory.  
Life is short, but this time it was bigger,  
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees.  
We found her with her face down in the pillow,  
Clinging to his picture for dear life.  
We laid her next to him beneath the willow,  
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.**

She stood from the sofa then and made her way over to the phone, her tea cup firmly in hand as she did. Slow movements, the babies moving around ferociously as she did, she stared at the light as it glowed in the darkness.

She picked up the phone, determined that she was not going to back down from this, determined to make things right again, not for herself but for the children she was only days away from having. Even if John wanted her out of his life, he wouldn't get it because in a way they had to deal with each other forever. She would not sit by and watch as he pushed himself further and further away from the children he had made. It was not fair.

As she dialed the numbers with trembling fingers, she stopped cold and a rush caught her off guard. She looked down instantly and in that moment the fear level in her heart rose to a fever pitch. For sitting there in the middle of the floor was a puddle, one that could only mean one thing.

Her water had broken and she was about to have the twins.

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Advisory:** This chapter may contain scenes that may offend some readers. If you are in that majority then please pass over this chapter. Read at your own risk.

**Authors Note:** Counting this one there will be four more chapters of this story. The next installment, the third and final story in the trilogy will begin shortly after all reviews and comments from the last chapter of this one have been received. So basically the same day. Thank you for your loyalty to me and this series of fictions. It means a lot to me.

* * *

**Give me something,  
To believe in  
Tell me: It's not all in my head**

"911 what is your emergency?" the operator murmured as Trish tried to push her voice through the painful contraction that was taking hold of her.

"My water just broke, I'm pregnant with twins..." she forced out, aching to scream but containing herself just enough and concentrating on her breathing.

"How far apart are the contractions?"

"About two minutes apart now, they are coming and--" she broke off trying to catch her breath as it seemed another one was about to hit, harder and fiercer then the first. "they aren't waiting!" she finished breathing deeply into the receiver.

"Medical attention is on the way ma'am. Just stay with me and work with me as I walk you through it." the operator said, her voice staying calm where Trish could not. Thoughts of the babies coming before the ambulance could get to her ran rampant through her mind, worries about John not being there and having been pushed away forcing themselves to the back burner.

"Is there anyone there with you ma'am? Someone I can speak with who can get items from the home to help you?"

Taking a deep breath she answered, all the while tears streaming down her face, for the lack of support she had in this trying time and fear that she might just lose both of these precious babies before anyone could help her. "No, I am all alone."

"You're strong honey we can get through this together until help arrives. Just keep breathing like they taught you in Lamaze training and I will guide you through whatever it takes."

She wanted to thank the operator, to give her credit for remaining calm when she just couldn't think straight let alone remain anything. She wanted to do a lot of things but in that moment was too scared to admit to any of them.

Why had she let John push her away? Why hadn't she pushed back with all her might until he had no choice but to deal with the pain she may have caused him and stay in her life? Why was she here alone right now having these babies while he was God knows where with God knows who?

"Are you still there ma'am?" the operator interrupted, Trish thankful for the distraction from the downward spiral her thoughts were now taking.

In the distance she could hear the sound of sirens and the longer she listened she was sure she heard them coming closer. She closed her eyes and tried hard not to push, knowing full well that pushing too early could cause damage that she did not want.

"I'm—here.." she managed to get out before the wave of another sickening contraction hit her. It was then that the world seemed to go black around her and she fell back against the wood of her floor.

The phone fell from her hand then and the receiver knocked onto the floor with a sickening crash, one that was reminiscent of the time Jeff had beaten her on this very same floor. The operator continued to call through the phone and not getting a response, put a call out to the ambulance which was now coming up her drive. This was now more then just a birth they had to worry about, this woman could most likely have passed out and seriously hurt herself.

* * *

The phone rang in the darkness of the apartment, bringing him out of the dream state he had entered and making him jump in attention. The light from the phone at the other end of the room was brightly lit, someone obviously trying to reach him, no matter what time of night it seemed to be.

He had turned off all the lights and had laid down, the bottle beside him in the darkness of night and had cried himself in his drunkenness to sleep. He stood now, tipsy at best and made his way slowly to the phone, willing whoever it was on the other end not to hang up before he got there.

"Hullo?" he said, the alcohol slurring his words and him finding himself no longer caring.

"John it's Shawn. You need to get to the airport now."

Did he say airport? Just who in their right mind at this hour of night would want him to catch a plane? It wasn't like he worked for the WWE anymore, after what had happened with the accident and all.

"Whys that?" he slurred. A smile cracking on his face at the sound of his own voice.

"Trish is hurt man, and the babies are on the way as well."

After a few minutes of letting the words sink in he spoke again, but this time what he had to say did not make him smile. Instead it made him feel sick to his stomach.

"She cheated on me man, when I couldn't even be there with her. So she can call Jeff and they can have the babies together. I don't care anymore."

He was ready to hang up when he heard Shawn screaming through the phone at him. Not wanting the headache that was sure to appear after Shawn was through saying whatever it was he needed to say, he almost hung up on him but something kept him there to listen.

"John are you drunk? You selfish son of a bitch! It would serve you right if I called Jeff right now and he made it there to be with her because that would mean he genuinely changed and cared about her. But you, you're nothing but a drunk bastard. She deserves better and I'm going to make sure she knows it. But man, if she dies, its on your head."

Shawn hung up on him then with such a loud boom that John had to back away from the ear piece to keep from losing what was left of his hearing. He was right of course, in drinking this way, going back to the way that he had been before Trish had come along, he was only serving his own selfish needs. Instead of pushing away the woman he loved because of an innocent mistake on her part while he had been put away behind bars, he should have tried to move past it and be there for her and his babies.

His heart hurt at the thought of them coming into this world alone so he did the only thing he could think of and he picked up the phone again and dialed the nearest cab company. When he finally got someone on the line he placed the order and hung up.

When he grabbed the items he needed for the trip, throwing the empty liquor bottle in the trash with the rest of his life it seemed, he ran out the door. He had to get to Trish and he had to make her see that he forgave her and only hope that he had enough time left to see his children before she threw him right back out of her life all over again.

* * *


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**Take what's left  
Of this man  
Make me whole  
Once again**

The doctor came out of the emergency room doors, the same as so many times before it seemed and walked directly up to Shawn, who had been pacing like a madman awaiting some word on Trish and the babies. He had been in New York working on a business deal so it had only taken a few short hours after he had gotten the call to get here and he was glad in that moment that he could be.

"Are you the expectant father?" the doctor asked him and Shawn had to remain as serious as he could. He supposed that in another lifetime Trish Stratus and him could have been a couple but it really couldn't have been further from the truth in this case.

"No sir I am not but is there something you need to be able to work on her?"

Shawn had been here before of course, having the two babies with Rebecca, one of which had to be a c-section. He had to sign papers then to allow them to work because it had been an emergency, and in this case it proved to be no different.

"I need a legal guardian or the father to sign papers allowing us to do a c-section. As it turns out Ms. Stratus's immune system is fighting the drugs we are giving her and getting those babies out right now is a priority. She is not responding to any methods. Would you be able to sign the paperwork?"

He knew that in this case and only this cause it was up to him what to do with Trish's life and the lives of her two unborn babies. He also knew that with John being as drunk as he was when he called he would never make it here in time, sober or not to sign the damn things himself. He knew that in doing this it meant getting those babies out and too their mother as soon as possible so he immediately motioned for the paperwork so that he could sign.

As the doctor walked away with the paperwork, moving as fast as his legs could carry him he heard the call go out over the intercom for the move to the surgical suite where they would perform the c-section.

Looking up at the ceiling he did the only thing that he knew how to do in that moment and he got on his hands and knees and prayed that everything would end up turning out alright. He could not lose Trish here tonight, not only for himself as he prided himself on their newfound friendship, but for the sake of the babies and John. If she was not around to light up their lives then something truly tragic would have taken place. No one deserved to lose this woman.

It was a few hours later when he sat in the intensive care unit, the two bassinets beside him, willing the woman whose hand he held close to his heart to wake up. The babies had come into their lives unscathed and now it was time for their mother to wake up and do the same thing.

"Trish you need to wake up and see these two beauties. They look just like their mother, which I suppose if you looked like Cena is a good thing. They need you darling, even if you are just sleeping right now. Please come back for them, for all the people that love you."

He heard the door to the room open then and he turned around expecting yet another visit from the nurses or the rounds doctor. What he got instead was the sad and pitiful face of the man he had tried to call and who had acted like he hadn't cared.

John Cena.

"Well at least you still have some of the brain cells you were born with." Was all he said as the man came closer to the bed, examining the babies as he passed, noticing the pink and blue blankets, realizing that she had indeed had twins.

"Look Shawn, I know what an idiot I am alright. I couldn't see past my own hurt for one second to see that what happened hurt her too. Which was why she didn't tell me. But I am here, now anyway and I am going to do whatever it takes to make her come to us. That I can promise you."

Shawn searched his face, looking for some sort of crack that would say that everything that John was saying was just another lie to drag her back into his life yet again. When he found none, he knew the man meant business this time and was willing to give him one more shot. For the sake of his friendship with both of them he hoped that John would hold up to his end of the deal.

"Just remember, its not all about you and your hurt feelings anymore John. Its about Trish, and its about those two babies there. I suggest you start making your amends."

He walked from the room then, thankful that his words had gotten through to the younger man and also thankful that he hadn't gone through with his threat and called Jeff Hardy after all. If he had done then that then surely all hell would have broken loose. He was just glad that for however long it took him to get there, he had finally ended up where he belonged.

"Wish, if you can hear me at all you need to come back to me. I made a huge mistake but I'm here now."

He watched the machine, one he had been hooked up to not too long ago himself and felt the eerie feeling it left within him hearing the lone beeping it did with each and every beat of her heart. She was alive in there somewhere and he hoped with everything in him that she could really hear him and come back to him.

He was right when he had told her he had made a mistake. When he found out from Jeff about that kiss he should never have acted the way he did, instead trying to figure out why it happened and if it had meant anything. Instead he had fought that and went ahead and pushed her away. He really hoped it wasn't too late for him.

He felt the brush of air on his skin and as he looked down he saw that she had moved her fingers until they sat just slightly on top of his. He wanted to scream in delight but knew that with the liquor in his system and the fact that this was a hospital, he wasn't going to be able to do it.

"It's me Wish, I'm here, open your eyes and look at me."

She did as he asked then and he was startled by the blue that shone back at him. It had been entirely too long since he had looked into these eyes and he thanked God that he was able to be here now to see it. She had never looked more beautiful to him as she did in that moment when she had come back from where she had been and right back into his life.

"The babies?" she slowly choked out, one word at a time, looking around the room for some sign of life.

"Are right behind me in their bassinets sleeping baby. They are just fine, healthy as horses. They are also going to be happier then I am to see their mother awake again, I can bet you that."

_Is he really here right now or am I just dreaming this?_ She thought to herself, unsure of anything anymore. The last thing she remembered was calling 911 when her water broke and now she was in what looked to be a hospital room. John was sitting beside her and she had no idea how he had gotten there or why he had even come to begin with.

"You aren't dreaming it, I am here. I am just so damn sorry it took me so long to get here."

She saw the regret on his face and knew that he didn't mean the distance from Boston to Toronto, but more that he hadn't been there for the entire time she had been pregnant. He regretted his actions two months prior and she couldn't say she blamed him. But it had been her fault to begin with.

"You're here now. Can I see the babies please?"

John nodded and complied, passing her one baby at a time and watching as she took her time whispering to the both of them, love shining in her features. If there was one thing he knew now that he hadn't before it was that Trish was destined to be a mother. It radiated off of her and he was so proud he was able to give her just that small piece of her heart back

* * *

. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

* * *

**I've been dying inside you see  
I'm going out of my mind  
Out of my mind  
I'm just running in circles all the time**

She had been resting for the better part of an hour now and he was surprised at just how peaceful she looked when she slept. He had wanted to sleep as well but the fear within him that one of the babies wouldn't be able to breathe throughout the night kept his butt planted in the chair and his eyes wide open.

It was true of most expectant fathers he was sure, this inner fear of these small little creatures having issues just after birth and something tragic happening, but for him, it was more then normal, he just knew he had to do it. If not for himself to calm his own fear but for the woman that now slept so peacefully across from him.

The hospital had been very accommodating, giving him this easy chair to sit in so that he could rest up and protect the three precious creatures in the room with him. They had tried to get him to leave earlier in the night but he had stood his ground and here he sat, not planning on moving again until Trish and the babies were able to go home.

Home.

Where was home going to be for all of them? He had made his home in Boston for years, something he had done out of love for the city but also because in a way it was close to the family that had pushed him away and been pushed away but still very much existed. Trish had made her home here in Toronto. So what did that mean for them now? Would she want to keep the babies in Toronto with her and send him back to the hole in which he dug for himself?

John didn't know anymore. He knew he had showed up at the hospital nursing a drunken hangover and that was something that he was sure Trish had to have noticed. If she hadn't then there was no way he was going to keep it from her. She deserved to know what had been going on with him since he had pushed her away all those months ago. But if she did know then it was only a matter of time before she made him out to be unfit to care for these babies and he would lose them forever.

Would she really do that? Could she even if she wanted too? Did he have any legs to stand on that weren't ready to fall from the pain of it all? He had wanted nothing more then to get out of jail and now that it had happened and things had changed that way, he had pushed away the woman he loved and he was unsure if she was even going to take him back. He wanted these babies and Trish in his life more then anything, he cried for them each and every night he had been alone. But now that the time had come for it to all hit the fan, would he get what his heart wanted or would he end up getting what he deserved?

"John?"she whispered causing him to look towards the bed and watch as she slowly started to sit up, watching her wince in pain as she realized the scar that was just below her abdomen. If she hadn't realized it before, it surely hit her now that she couldn't do a whole lot of moving with the surgical scar still so fresh.

"I'm here baby, you can go back to sleep."he whispered back, not wanting to wake up the two little angels that seemed to sleep through any amount of noise that this floor seemed to make with new patients being brought in every minute. He was still shocked Trish had slept through it all the way she had.

"I don't need any more sleep. How are you doing? Were you able to sleep at all?"

He shook his head no and watched as her face changed, looking like she wanted to slap him for not taking the chance to sleep when he had it. If she didn't look so darn cute he might have taken it a bit more seriously then he was.

"I didn't want to miss a minute with them Wish. You can't fault me for that can you?" he asked, putting his best puppy dog expression to good use. It apparently worked because her features softened and she seemed to relax more into the covers of the bed.

"Your just afraid is all and it's keeping you up when all your body wants to do is crash. So why don't you tell me what you are so afraid of?"

"You don't want to know believe me. We can deal with it another time."

She looked at him, not happy to accept his answer at face value. He was hiding from him again and she was not in the mood to go digging again to figure him out. The time for that had passed.

"John, if you want anything to work itself out between us then you had better start talking because the more you keep it inside the more apt I am to kick you out of here for good."

He knew she was right and that she would do it if he didn't. How many times had he promised her that he wouldn't pull away and then that was what he went and did anyway? It wasn't fair to her, to them and to the children. He had to start acting like the father he was, the man he was.

"Where are you going to live with the babies? Am I going to live with you? Do I deserve to live with you? Do you even still love me after what I have done? You know, all of that stuff. Like I said, it can wait till another time."

Her features softened again as she realized how deeply troubled he seemed to be by all of these thoughts that were running rampant through his mind. It had crossed her mind as well but she knew the answers in her heart to all of those questions so it never bothered her the way it seemed to do with him. It was time he knew just what was going to happen.

"You want me to answer them one by one?"she asked, a smile playing on her lips, causing John to blush and do the same.

"If you could."

"We are going to live in Toronto, in our home. Which means the answer to the second dilemma you face is that since its OUR home, that means you come too. That is if you want too. You deserve to live with me if you can look inside yourself and forgive me for letting that kiss between Jeff and I happen. It meant nothing, it will never be anything more then it was but it is something you are going to have to deal with and forgive if we are to live together. I will always love you no matter how much you mess up John."

"How can you be so sure about your love for me?"

"Because in all of the things I have been through in this life, your love is the only thing that makes sense. I was destined to love you, you were destined to be here with me and we were destined to help each other. Don't you remember that first night at Hunters?It was just meant to be and its something that no matter what happens will never change. I love the man you are, the man you will become. I want to be with you when you discover just how truly amazing you are."

He wanted to cry hearing the way she spoke of him and her love for him. He had never been told it quite that way before and thinking about it the way she spoke of it, it made perfect sense. They had to help each other heal just the way they had in the beginning. She was right, they were meant to be.

There was only one more thing that would make this day end the way that it should have before the verdict came down in his trial. The one question he had wanted to ask then but had been too afraid to answer because he hadn't felt worthy enough. He knew now that in her eyes he was and that was all that mattered.

'What are you thinking about John?" she interrupted, trying to bring him back to where she was.

"I was just thinking about something I have waited forever to do and never gotten the chance too."

She smiled at him and patted the bed so that he could come closer and they could watch their babies sleeping together. "What would that be?" she whispered as she pointed to the way their baby girl was sucking on her fingers, while the little boy snored softly.

"I want you to marry me Trish, make an honest man out of me and make us a real family. Marry me when the time is right and make the happiest man in the world."

* * *


	24. Chapter 24  The Ending

**Disclaimer:** All WWE related material is owned by **Vince McMahon **and is used here strictly for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

**Authors Notes:** I mentioned a few chapters back that this would be going until twenty four chapters and then it would be the end and the start of the sequel. So in that vein, this is the last chapter of this story and whatever ends are not tied up are done purposely so I can do it in the last installment of this couples journey. Don't worry though, the person who drove the car that actually caused the accident will be shown in the third book. I didn't forget about it, I'm just being sly. LOL Thank you all for the reviews, it means a lot and its kept my head in the game. So on with the story shall we? But before I Forget the song used near the end is Bon Jovi – Thank you for Loving Me. I own nothing in regards to that. Enjoy guys!

* * *

After what felt like forever he looked over to where Trish lay in the bed and he noticed why she hadn't answered his question. She had her eyes closed now and she looked to be deep in dream land. He waited a few more minutes, just watching the rise and fall of her chest and when he knew for sure she wasn't going to wake back up, he slowly moved himself off the bed.

Placing a small kiss on her forehead, he whispered in her ear. "It's okay Trish, you don't need to answer me yet. But the next time I ask you, you had better be ready with the answer."

He walked from the room, but not before making sure both of his infants were still in dream land like their mother now was. He knew the pills they had Trish taking for the pain could work at any moment and he wasn't too shocked that when she had finally gotten comfortable on him she had fallen asleep. In actuality it was really quite endearing.

Making his way to the nurses station he stopped short when he saw the man who was standing there with roses, checking in with the nurse who was on duty.

"What are you doing here?" he asked keeping his tone calm and easy, knowing this was not the time or place to start a fight.

The man turned around then, his rainbow colored hair gleaming under the lights and he gave John a small smile. He knew it was not his place to be here but he wanted to give the babies something as well as the mother. He hadn't wanted the roses but they had looked so lonely there in the shop by themselves, having been marked down that he had bought them. Surely this was going to look worse to John then it really was.

"I came to give my best to you and Trish. I know she probably isn't up for visitors so I was just leaving these. I figured it was best this way anyway."

John began to calm down then as he listened to the honesty Jeff was displaying to him. He was right in that it wasn't the right thing to do but in that same vein neither had it been right for him to judge Trish and Jeff for something that was a long time coming, the end of their relationship. He had been an ass to Trish and to Jeff and at the very least it was nice that Jeff had gone out of his way to come there now.

"You can go ahead and give them to her yourself. I'm alright with it and I am sure right now she will be too. Look man, for what its worth, I acted like an ass that day in the jail and you have every right not to forgive me but I'm sorry. I didn't really know what I had until I had the chance of losing all of it."

Jeff nodded and began to pass by him now, on the way to Trish's room where he would meet the babies that they now shared together and that Jeff would never again have. That didn't sit well with John but he knew that it was the only way for Jeff to really see that life really had gone on without him, or at least while he had checked out of it. He only hoped Trish wouldn't be too hurt that he hadn't given her any warning.

Before Jeff could get too far away John hollered his name down the hall.

"Yeah?"

"I need to go back to Trish's house and grab her some things, do you think you could stay with her for awhile?"

"Yeah sure John. I just don't know what she's going to think of it."

John laughed, knowing exactly what he meant because only a few short hours ago he had truly believed that same thing, but now, that he was a father and Trish was a mother and they were back on track, he knew that things would most likely change for the better. There was no more denying that Jeff held a piece of Trish's heart and always would.

"Let me deal with it when I get back. I'll take the heat."

He made his way out of the hospital then and out to his rental car. When he was sure that everything was going the way that it should he put the car in drive and took off for their home, where if everything remained the same, would be the place where Trish would agree to be his wife, this time without falling asleep.

* * *

"We have two children to carry into the house John! Can I please take this stupid blindfold off now?" Trish said, her voice full of laughter and shock at having had to wear the cover the entire time they were driving home from the hospital.

She had gotten out on good behavior, or at least thats what she told herself. It had been two days since the babies had come and she felt better then ever. There was still pain from the operation but nothing that a former Women's Champion couldn't handle. She was just happy that John had talked her doctor into letting her go home early. With just a bump on the noggin as a war wound to show for it.

"I will tell you when you can take it off and the two babies are already in the house. They wanted to see what their new home looked like. I couldn't hold them back." John said laughing, knowing full well that when he had carried their car seats into the house they were fast asleep. So much alike yet so totally different. He could already see their mothers eyes shining through on both of them, but his little man already had his attitude. He was already a fighter. While his daughter was just as precious as their mother.

"Yeah right, I bet they slept through the whole thing."

"You caught me Wish. I can't get anything past you can I?"

She laughed when he wrapped his arms around the back of her and cuddled her close."No John you can't. But I have you admit, planting Jeff in my room for the night was a interesting surprise. You're just lucky I didn't kill him."

"No Wish, I think he's the lucky one." John said trying to hide the huge grin that lined his features. Ever since he had picked her up and gotten her to wear the blindfold, it had been all he could do to keep a straight face. So far he was losing. 'Stay here while I put Erin and Shawn down in their cribs. Remember, no peeking."

She stomped her foot into the floor with a huge sigh but did as he requested as she heard him bundle the car seats up and bring them upstairs. She wanted to look but she knew that if she did then John would feel the entire thing was ruined and that was the last thing she wanted right now. He had obviously done something dramatic to their home, and she was leaving it up to him to show her what he had done.

She heard him a few minutes later coming back down the stairs, taking them one a time, slowing down time so that he could make her impatient with wait. When he finally reached her and wrapped his arms around her again, she elbowed him in the ribs.

"Hey what was that for?" John said, holding onto his side, trying not to laugh.

"For making me wait even longer as you took the stairs one at a time. Do not piss off a new mother."

"Just one more second and then you can take it off alright? I swear I won't make you wait any longer." he flipped the switch on the stereo and music quickly filled the room, that was now dark as John had hit the lights on the way up the stairs with the babies. Everything had to be just right, so with a quick flick of the lighter he ran around the living room, lighting the candles that lined each available space he could find.

"Okay, so will you dance with me?" he asked her slipping the blindfold off her eyes as the music kicked into gear with the song he wanted.

"Oh my Goodness! Look at this place!" Trish exclaimed as she took a quick scan of the room. There were candles throughout the entire living room, a fire going in the fireplace that worked with a flick of the switch and there were roses lining every spot in the room, even on the floor beneath them. "Yes John I will dance with you."

He took her into his arms, the slowness of the music guiding through the room as if floating on air. Just as the singer was about to sing he whispered in her ears. "Listen to the lyrics alright? This is my song for you, for our relationship. It might be cliché but this is our song."

**It's hard for me to say the things  
I want to say sometimes  
There's no one here but you and me  
And that broken old street light  
Lock the doors  
We'll leave the world outside  
All I've got to give to you  
Are these five words tonight**

As she listened to the words her eyes started to well up with tears. She had heard this song before, so many times over the years but had never focused much on it at the time because it hadn't meant anything to her. But the more the singer sang the words, the band flowing in the background she knew that John was indeed right, this was their song.

**Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes  
When I couldn't see  
For parting my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me  
Thank you for loving me **

"Oh John.." was all she could say as they continued dancing around the living room filled with romance. John really had gone all out for this and it took her breath away that a man really could love her this much. For all the issues they had faced together this was the moment where all of it changed and finally came around to give them what they both needed, true love.

**I never knew I had a dream  
Until that dream was you  
When I look into your eyes  
The sky's a different blue  
Cross my heart  
I wear no disguise  
If I tried, you'd make believe  
That you believed my lies**

"Just listen to it Trish, listen to the words, they are all the words I have but cannot express the way you need to hear them. Every single word is what I feel in my heart. What you have done for me and too me since that night at Hunters. You really have changed me and I want you to know just how deeply I love you."

**Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes  
When I couldn't see  
For parting my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me **

She did as he asked and continued to dance with him, allowing him to bring her as close as they could be together and just swaying to the music, getting lost in it, and his words, which he didn't think were all that special but that meant more then any song every could.

"You may not be a poet John but you sure did write a whole new song for my heart."

**You pick me up when I fall down  
You ring the bell before they count me out  
If I was drowning you would part the sea  
And risk your own life to rescue me **

**Lock the doors  
We'll leave the world outside  
All I've got to give to you  
Are these five words tonight**

"I can never imagine my life without you in it and I was stupid to believe that I ever could. The minute you rescued me that night at Hunters I knew there was a change taking place. One that I needed to have take place Trish. You really were my Wish, which is why I will forever reserve the right to call you that. You are the answer to my prayers, the very breath that keeps me alive. You and the babies that you fought to give me."

As the song ended, they began to slow down and started to break apart. John reached into his pocket then and before Trish could turn around and survey the room the music still playing low in the background, John got down on one knee and looked directly into her eyes.

"Trish, will you do the honor of being my wife? Will you marry me?" he asked, his eyes glued to hers, every motion her body made. This time he knew there would be no mistaking her answer so when the tears began to fall from her eyes, he knew just what that answer was and he was eager to hear it.

"Yes John I will marry you."

**Thank you for loving me  
For being my eyes  
When I couldn't see  
You parted my lips  
When I couldn't breathe  
Thank you for loving me **

He jumped up then and grabbed her into his arms spinning her around and kissing her as he put her back down. He held onto the kiss because he knew now that nothing else could touch them and that everything was finally going to turn out the way it was meant too. He slipped the ring onto her finger and watched as it shone in the low lighting of the candles.

He was surely a changed man and he had this woman before him to thank for it. Before he could open his mouth to utter the words, she answered for him.

"Your welcome."

* * *


End file.
